Why is it, do you think, that when Jim works from home I get next to nothing done? He’s at his own desk, facing away from me even, and not seeking my attention or my time. Yet, the fact remains that when he’s here I’m very unproductive!
When we started going to our church 5 1/2 years ago, Jim and I were really struggling with God. We believed in Him–that never stopped–but didn’t really want to have much to do with Him. He had LET US DOWN. One of our children was dead, one was blind and on a feeding tube, one had bowel issues….the list went on and on. We were Christians and had prayed with our whole hearts for these babies and GOD SAID NO.
How dare He???
5 1/2 years later, Jim is an elder and the worship leader at our church. I’m a deacon, a worship leader and the de facto secretary. Things are, well, rather different! In a very good way. We were refined by fire, if I can use a little “christianese”.
Our church has just hired a new pastor. He and his wife and two little ones just moved up from Texas to lead our little flock. (And I’m not kidding about little!) These two very nice people do not know us. We do not know them. We can and will tell them about our lives and our journey to the present, but they will only get to know the people that we are now–the leaders.
It’s kind of weird.
1. We admitted that we were powerless over lust — that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to sexaholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
That first step is a powerful one. Powerful in that you have to admit that you are POWERLESS. The addiction will–no matter how hard you try, how much you want otherwise–CONTROL you.
The second step is just as crucial. Humbly asking God to do what you cannot do–to go a day, a hour, a minute without giving in to what is screaming at you. Or, sometimes, whispering, jeering, suggesting, seducing.
I wouldn’t wish this addiction on anyone. But since I’m stuck with it, I think I’d better start remember Step 1 and Step 2 again.
Amazingly, this is my 50th 7 Quick Takes Friday. I rather surprised–for someone not that great with sticking with something, I’ve stuck with this.
1. Speaking of sticking with something, I want to send out a Happy Anniversary to 2 very special couples. My sister and brother in law, who have been married for 22 years and my parents, who are celebrating 56!
2. My online friend, Kate, is actually over in the Ukraine right now, has met her two daughters-to-be, and is just killing me with her stories. I will probably never meet her or her children this side of heaven, but it is such a blessing to follow their story.
3. Yesterday morning I had a friend over for tea and apple crisp. We talked for over four hours. It was SO AMAZING to do that–no children, no housework, even no husbands. Just the two of us sharing, laughing, commiserating, you name it. Women friendships are such a blessing.
4. Two days ago I took every scrap of paper and junk off my desk and went through it. It took the better part of the day. I’m left with a small pile to file (after I finish posting this!) and about a dozen things on my “to do” list. My desk looks terrific and it’s so much nicer to work here instead of surrounded by crap, er…stuff.
5. Bennett’s BSC (behavioral specialist something–consultant?) came over yesterday to talk to him. I left the room to give them some privacy. They covered a lot of topics, but narrowed in on bullying. Apparently, without saying anything to anyone, he’s being bullied on the bus (e.g. punched in the stomach)! Thankfully he told her and she encouraged him to tell me. I called the bus company and told them I wanted his assigned seat changed. Mr. Bully can have the the back seat all to himself. It’s so hard having a child with a target on his back. We’re seriously considering having him take karate (or something like it). I have a call into a friend to find out where she goes with her kids. I don’t want him to go through life being bullied when he can learn to stand up for himself.
6. On a lighter note, having recently had them, I’ve decided I don’t like cupcakes. I want muffins. Muffins are dense, full of flavor, delicious, and have DEPTH. Cupcakes, OTOH, are fluffy and light. I know this is not a Bad Thing to some, but people, I just want a muffin. One more nail in the cake coffin. Honestly, if I never had cake again–with the SOLE possible exception being spice cake (although I’ll bet I could make spice muffins that had some oomf to them–it would not bother me at all. Now PIE, that’s a different story!
7. Did you know that both Barnes and Noble and Amazon have free e-book downloads? Yup. Amazon has a gazillion “classics” for free. I downloaded most of Jane Austen’s, having never actually READ one of them, although the movies are great. Amazon you just search Free Kindle and B&N I think you have to do a bit more work with free e-book and then search a little. Happy Reading!
So I haven’t do this in a really long time.
Getting Healthy: I would classify this as so-so. I’m struggling with snacking. Not healthy ones, either. The weight has crept up again, which I am SO not happy about. I want to get it down to the low 150’s (well, ok, I’d love to be 135, but I live in the real world!)
Education: We’re into the 3rd week of school and things are starting to become routine. The kids know they come home, get a snack and do homework. So far, no major problems with it. Everyone seems to like their teachers, which is a good thing.
Finances: In a word, TIGHT. Very tight. I need to pick up some work and maybe have Jim do some on-call time or something. Seriously, TIGHT.
Spirit: Um, well…um…now that the kids are back to their schedule, I need to get back to mine. I have two good bible study books that I’d like to do. I just need to “Just Do It”. Prayer is going well, though–Kate and Charlie have been constantly in my thoughts and therefore in my prayers. In church news, on Sunday we voted on a new pastor. Difficult, hard, but wonderful. We’re hoping that we don’t lose anyone from the decision. It was majority, not unanimous.
Family: Still struggling with that one certain child right now. Bennett is still very snuggly. 🙂 Ethan is taking a break from in-home therapy while they try to find another one. Jim still has his job and I’m working a little as well. I’d like to get better control of the house, but that will come as the time goes on and the kids stay in school.
How are you doing? I miss hearing from you all!
Bennett has fallen in love. Before you say “Awww”, let me assure you it’s not some cute, little 9 year old girl in pigtails. It’s his mother.
If I’m in a room, he’s there. If I’m sitting down, he’s leaning over to kiss me and hug me and climb on me. If I’m standing up, he’s hugging me.
Which is sweet. The first few times. After that, not so much. And trust me, although on the BMI scale he’s low in percentages, he’s still NINE and therefore not a little baby or toddler. He’s big and bony and heavy.
I know this stage will end. And I’m of two minds with that. 1. Relief. 2. Awwww. Because I also know that in just a few, short years I will be low man on the totem pole in terms of favorite people. So I think I’m going to try to savor this a little.
Please feel free to join in!
The layers of me
name: Proper name is Christina, I go by Tina
birth date: November 13
current location: Pennsylvania
eye color: brown
hair color: brown, ColorSilk #33
height: 5’ 1 ½”
righty or lefty: right
zodiac sign: Scorpio
your heritage: Mutt–English, Scottish, German
the shoes you wore today: Clogs
your weakness: Chocolate and candy
your fears: something happening to Jim or the kids, money
your perfect pizza: mushroom or plain
your most overused phrase: according to Jim, “cut me a break”
your first waking thoughts: what’s the weather?
your best physical feature: My eyes
your favorite memory: “I now pronounce you husband and wife”
pepsi or coke: Diet Coke
mcdonald’s or burger king: BK’s Jr. Whopper, McD’s fries
single or group dates: one on one with hubby
adidas or nike: New Balance 7 2E (yes, freakishly wide feet!)
lipton ice tea or nestea: Homemade iced tea
cappuccino or coffee: Caramel Latte–I don’t want to taste the coffee
cuss: sometimes, it slips out when I’m alone (not in front of the kids!)
sing: All the time. All.The.Time.
do you think you’ve been in love: I know I have.
want to go to college: Graduated, um, 18 years ago!
liked high school: yes
want to get married: 15 years ago next month
believe in yourself: sometimes
get motion sickness: since having kids, YES
think you’re attractive: sometimes. Sometimes not so much.
think you’re a health freak: No way!
get along with your parents: Mom, yes. Dad, not so much.
like thunderstorms: they’re ok. I like plain rain better.
play an instrument: piano and voice
in the past month…
drank alcohol: yes
done a drug: no
made out: yes
gone on a date: no
gone to the mall: yes, to get Ethan’s pic at the Picture People.
eaten an entire box of oreos: never
eaten sushi: no.
been on stage: if you can call the platform at church a stage
been dumped: no
gone skating: no
made homemade cookies: no
gone skinny dipping: no
dyed your hair: yes
stolen anything: no
played a game that required removal of clothing: yes.
if so, was it mixed company: I take the fifth
been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yes, once on my honeymoon.
been caught “doing something”: yes
been called a tease: yes
gotten beaten up: no
changed who you were to fit in: That’s a toughie. Maybe? Maybe not?
age you hope to be married: almost 27 😀
numbers and names of children: Bennett, Ethan, Laura, (9) Catie (7)
describe your dream wedding: in our church, surrounded by friends and family
how do you want to die: in my sleep
where do you want to go to college: West Chester University
what do you want to be when you grow up: wife, mother, professional organizer, woman of God.
what country would you most like to visit: Scotland
number of people I could trust with my life: 8
number of cds that I own: don’t know anymore, everything has been ripped to my iPod
number of piercings: two ears
number of tattoos: no way, no how!
number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: graduation, dean’s list, marriage
number of scars on my body: too many to count!
number of things in my past that I regret: Lots of things I wish I hadn’t done, but they have made me who I am today, so I wouldn’t change them.