I have made mention of the Family Drama–which has died down a bit because we aren’t actively talking about moving–in previous posts. I have not gone into detail out of obedience to my husband’s wishes. I don’t regret that one bit. I sometimes go back and read posts and don’t really think I need to be reminded of this particular thing.
Anyways, the Family wants to see us for Christmas. And I’m swimming through deep waters, trying to get to the shores of forgiveness. Because, I guess, I’m still not there.
I haven’t struggled this much with forgiveness ever. EVER. If it were any other people, I could walk away and just not have anything to do with them. But this is some of my husband’s family, none of which are believers in God. This doesn’t excuse the things they said or did, but it DOES put the onus on me, a Believer, to show them God’s love.
Which I’m finding isn’t that easy for me. As the bible talks about, even the heathens are kind to those that are kind to them. But loving your enemies, well now, that’s the way that God works. I know that forgiveness is not something ones has to FEEL. It’s a decision ones makes, in ones head, and then abides by, to not make the other person pay for what they did to you. It doesn’t make it right or ok. I think I make that decision, but then find myself still HERE, not moving forward and certainly not wanting to share any farce of Christmas with them. There is no admittance of wrongdoing on their part, no willingness to find a middle ground. So it’s up to me to come the whole way. Which forgiveness would allow me to do, I think.
I’ll be spending a lot of today in prayer and ask that you would join me on this particular topic.