Posted in Bible Study, Kids, Me, Parenting

Another Day…Shows Its Face

I’m half awake, half in space. And if you told me I was beautiful well that would just be in poor taste.

Hah. Sorry. The title just naturally led into the lyrics. For those who are clueless, that’s Pomplamoose’s Another Day. Excellent Song!

So, Day 2! Definite improvement. Well, until  dinner, anyway.

Ethan needs to get up at 6:15 to have enough time to get ready for the day. I got him up at 6 instead. Because that way I had the time to BE PATIENT and SHOW HIM the steps he needed to be shown to DO THINGS HIMSELF. Thankyouverymuch!

Let’s see….we explored the silverware drawer, got out a fork and knife. We cut up the sausage together again. We worked on getting a spoon under the tab of his Pediasure and popping it open. Still not sure he’s strong enough, but we’ll keep at it. He carried his food and drink and can over to the table and was actually very proud of himself. Which I LOVED and definitely want to encourage. I think the next time I do the dishwasher and he’s home I’m going to have him put the silverware away. We’ll have to figure out the sharp knives, but other than that I think he can handle it.

Go me! 🙂

In other excellent news, I finally just sat my butt down and started reading Matthew. It’s been way too long and I’ve been actually somewhat paralyzed, not knowing where to start. Stupid, I know! So today I figured, well, if my point is to live my life like Jesus, I’d better remind myself what His life was like. And oh, it was wonderful. My spirit was just so happy. It’s been so dry and so awful for so long….first there was just no desire at all. Then there was a little bit, but I actually fought it. Then there was more and I didn’t know what to do and lacked the self-discipline. That’s been, like, the whole freaking last YEAR. Not kidding. So a few steps forward in a few good places. WooHoo!

Posted in Kids, Parenting

A Journey of a Thousand Steps….

Has to start somewhere!!

After reading This Amazing Article, I was so convicted about changing how Jim and I operate with Ethan. If you opt not to read it, it talks about how we, as parents of blind children, tend to do things for them–in essence, be their fairy godmother and allow things to “magically appear” instead of making them do it themselves (much, much harder, let me assure you!).

So this morning started as pretty much every other morning. I woke Ethan up, went downstairs while he got himself dressed, made his lunch, buttoned his jeans once he came down (he lacks the fine motor skills to do it–that’s not cheating), and started to make his breakfast. DING DING DING. As I heard the microwave, the big blind lightbulb flashed in my head and reminded me that I DON’T WANT TO BE HIS FAIRY GODMOTHER, Darnit! So I had him get up, we “looked at” the microwave, he opened it, got his plate out, put it down on the counter, he held a knife (which I don’t think we’ve ever had him do), and hand over hand I helped him cut the sausages he was having for breakfast.  Then he walked the plate over to the table. I poured the PediaSure (doesn’t eat enough calories to keep his weight up) , telling him that we’ll work on opening a can together at dinner. I’m not sure if he has the fine motor skills for it. And how to have him measure his Miralax is beyond me.

So yeah, one small step in the right direction.

Posted in Kids, Me, Parenting

Sacred Scared

Glennon Doyle, over at Momastery, is doing a series on Sacred Scared…being completely honest about what we are really scared about.

That’s scary in and of itself.

But here goes: I’m scared that I’m a bad mother. Oh, not in the sense that I hurt my kids or am mean to them or neglect them or that kind of stuff. No, I mean I’m bad at being a good mom to Ethan specifically: helping him become a independent human being. Including him. Teaching him the things of life because, honestly? It’s just kind of HARD.

I’ve been doing a fair amount of soul searching lately with regards to him. Having crying jags. Feeling helpless and oh, so incredibly alone with this. I don’t have much of a support system with Ethan. I have one mom that I see every few months and we talk and talk and then don’t see each other again for a few more months.

I want to be better. I want to be that kind of mom that is just excellent with her special needs kid, doesn’t baby him and helps him become independent. Oh, and has endless patience. I’m not there, though. I’m just NOT. And I’m not sure how to get from “I want to be” to “I am”.

Posted in Kids, Me

Lasting Impressions

Why is it, do you suppose, that things from your past can stay in the past for many, many years and then pop up out of the blue and BOTHER THE HECK OUT OF YOU?

One of my FB friends, who is actually a friend of a friend and a doctor to many of my friends, posted about her daughter standing up to bullies in her middle school on BEHALF OF ONE OF HER FRIENDS.

Wow. To have such guts and compassion in middle school!

I was bullied in middle school. Every day. Day in and day out every day for three long, horrible, rotten years. Which, as a side note, is why I turned into a tiger when I heard that one of my kids was being bullied. ZERO TOLERANCE. Being bullied does not make you stronger. It makes you hurt inside. Even 30+ years later my inner-child still rails about it:  The lies that were spread. The lack of response from adults. The willingness of so many kids to be so awful for so long. The feelings that there was nowhere I could go during school hours to escape. The fact that no one ever stood up for me (except for one phone call from my mom to one of the main perpetrators’ mom).

One of the things I absolutely LOVE about cyber school is that there is no chance of my kids being bullied.

Posted in Me, Snow

Why My Weekend Rocked Even Though There Was More Snow

I live in Pennsylvania. If you have been watching any kind of news on any news station, you have seen that the United States by and large, and a WHOLE LOT of the Eastern part of the US has been getting record breaking ice and snow and more snow and oh, more snow! Our local school district just had its 9th snow day. NINTH, People! They’ll be attending school in late June!! YIKES!

So, If something can come around that 1) gets me out of the house and 2) puts me with other women and 3) I get to be WITHOUT the kids, it’s in the “WIN” column for me. The fact that some of it involved crafting in no way inhibited me from doing it because I knew that no one could actually FORCE me to craft! 🙂

One of my favorite bloggers–as in, I read her posts out loud to my family, send links of her posts to friends and put them on Facebook, and generally try really hard not to pee when I’m reading her because I’m laughing so hard–was going to come to the Michael’s store in Exton. Which is 20 minutes away from my house, THANKYOUVERYMUCH!

Laura and Catie originally wanted to come too, but thankfully changed their minds so I got to have alone Mommy time! I wandered around Michael’s a bit trying to find a demonstration table with a crowd of people (after all, she’s a well-known blogger!), but finally stumbled upon a small craft room. In it were: a Michael’s employee, four women crafting, Victoria and her mom. And then me! I announced that I was just there to visit, sat down, and proceeded to have a wonderful time. She was all that was charming and nice–not one bit of snark–and couldn’t have been more friendly. The other crafty gals ended up finishing their projects and left and she and I just chatted. I got to CHAT WITH A FAMOUS (semi-famous?) BLOGGER! It was awesome! She even figured out how to make my old Android take a selfie and then proceeded to take one with me! And it was a good one! See? I’m the laughing one and she’s the stylish and skinny one. And tall. You have no idea how much she’s crouching down to be on my level!

Selfie!

 And I’m not exaggerating on the tall. I’m 5′ 1.5″. Look at me next to her! My chest comes up to her waist!

Crafty Group

 

After getting home and enjoying a reasonably quiet afternoon, Jim and I, on a whim, ended up going out for dinner. BY OURSELVES. I’m pretty sure we haven’t done this since our anniversary. In early October. I KNOW!!

So, even though there was more snow to shovel/plough, even though the natives are crazy-restless and getting on each other’s last nerve, I ended up having a great weekend. And if she happens to drop by, Hi Victoria! Thanks for hanging out with me!

Posted in Me

The Lord Giveth and The Lord Taketh Away

I’m crying right now. Quietly, because I’m sharing the schoolroom with three of the four kids and it upsets them to see me, but yeah, I’m crying. My old next door neighbor (old as in ex, not age) passed away yesterday. I didn’t even know she was sick, let alone dying.

When we moved to this house almost 14 years ago, the house next door had two little girls, a mom and a grandmom there. I put my foot in my mouth when I asked the little girls if they stayed with their dad (assuming divorce) and they matter of factly told me that he was dead. Gulp! Sorry!

That mom and those girls became my ROCKS when the kids came home. The girls helped out with the babies–going from playing with them, to being “mother’s helpers”, to babysitting. The mom was the older, more experienced mom that all of us need to have–someone to turn to with those everyday questions and problems and “should I wait it out or go to the pediatrician?” type things.

When they moved exactly four years this month, my heart broke. We swore we would keep in touch. In the way of things, we grew apart. We saw each other a few times, but just lost touch. And now she’s gone. Today her nephew posted on Facebook that yesterday she passed away. No information as to why, or what happened, just that she is gone. And I’m so sad. For myself, sure. Because that friendship meant so much to me. But also for her daughters, who are in college and grad school and are now without either father or mother. It just breaks my heart.

I know she’s in heaven. She loved the Lord with her heart and soul and mind. She’s with her husband, whom she had been parted with way too early in life. But oh, it’s not supposed to be like this. It’s supposed to be “old and full of years.”

And so I cry.