Today was the culmination of a week of seemingly random occurrences that only this afternoon I put together.
- Last week? Week before? I used the Lord’s name in vain. I honestly NEVER do that, and it shocked me. I internally noted that I feel like things are very different with me not going to church.
- Catie and Ethan had a dentist appointment. Afterward we dropped by the vet office to pick up dog meds. After THAT, we drove home, but that took us past the church we visited a few times back around Easter. Catie remarked that she wanted to go again.
- I had a two hour conversation with my sister. This, in itself, is insanely rare. During the conversation we discussed many different things, but two of them were church and how my family has not attended in a long time and my feelings about that, and her meeting someone from her past and their reconciliation.
- Last night I determined that I would go to church–that even if I slept in to 7:30 I still had plenty of time to get ready for the 9am (first) service. And this morning, when I got up, I still determined that I would go. I got a shower first thing, which helps keep me on track, and I told each family member that I was going and they were invited. Only Ethan chose to go with me.
- Because I got there early and only had Ethan, I had more choices in where I sat. I chose the fifth row on the right hand side.
Now, all those things seem to not be very connected. But this morning, when I glanced around and saw someone I haven’t seen in 12-14 years because we had a falling out, well, God used all those things to get me to the place where I could say hi after church, hug her and apologize for what I had said all those years ago. She was very “it’s water under the bridge” about it, but to be able to say I was sorry after all those years of regretting and it being on my mind and heart–it was amazing. We now live very close to each other and she got my number.
It was a GOOD day and I’m so very glad I went to church!
Those two words deserve to be in capitals. Really. Perimenopause sounds so…unassuming. So not a big deal. The Change, though, sounds much more descriptive, though both are true. I’ve been in perimenopause for maybe two years? Ish? Not sure when it started, although it’s been more than a year. My cycle is still very regular (for me, which equals roughly every 6 weeks). I don’t typically get much in the way of hot flashes, thank goodness. But moodiness? Oh my yes. It’s like I have PMS all the time. And when I actually DO get PMS I’m biting everyone’s head off. And weepiness? It literally just occurred to me yesterday that the weepiness I’ve been dealing with for the past few months might not actually only be about being sad because the kids are getting older and doing so many milestones.
I was reading a book–a novel!–and read a paragraph that was sad. And found real tears in my eyes. And though to google “perimenopause and weepiness” and BOOM. Hello other people going through it! I haven’t been like this since I was pregnant, which was a long, long time ago. I’m not a cryer by nature, except for videos of soldiers coming home and adult children telling their families they are pregnant. But lately commercials, TV shows, watching my kids…you name it and I’m in tears. Which believe me, makes me feel stupid. Which yeah, I know I need to get over.
I’m just grateful I can put a name to this moodiness and that at some point it will actually be done once I’m in menopause. Right? Or does this actually continue? Readers who have gone through it please comment!
Whew! The hardest academic year–by far!–is finally finished. Bennett and Laura are now seniors (Ahhh!), Ethan is a junior and Catie is a sophomore. While the greater part of me is sad, there’s a tiny part that wonders just what this upcoming year will bring. What will I be typing here next June (through a heavy veil of tears, I’m sure!). What they will experience and feel as they come to the end of high school. I’ll let you know in 12 months–we’ll meet back here, ok? 🙂
In the meantime, we have a small breather of a few weeks for them. Physical therapy for my back continues–some days very well and some days (like today) slowly and painfully. We meet with our lawyer on Monday to start our wills and special needs trust. Trying to made decisions with 60+ years in the future for Ethan is somewhat daunting. I hope and pray that we are able to fund that trust and that it is enough. A few dentist appointments, med checks with the psychiatrist, and bloodwork and endocrinologist–well, there goes June.
Ethan leaves on June 30th for his summer camp, comes back on the 7th and then leaves on the 8th for his 4-week-long summer program for the visually impaired. Then Laura leaves on the 14th for Penn State for her 3-week-long summer program for the visually impaired. They both come back on the 3rd of August and then we leave on the 9th for Michigan. Wheee! There goes the summer!
I’ll do my best to post–I’m not that great over the summer, but I’ll try. I know, I know, “Do or do not, there is no try.” But still, I will.