It’s Still Hard Talking About It

Two days ago I was driving my daughter home from her med check. We see a psychiatrist once a month (this is our third visit), trying to get the right medication and dosage to help with her anxiety. And she sees a counselor once a week to talk about said anxiety, to try and help her work through it and cope with it. Both treatments are necessary at this point for her and we are hoping that the med she is on right now is the right one (our third med). As we were driving home, she picked up my phone to look at something and asked “Why don’t you have Safari?”. (Safari is the default iphone internet app)

I don’t have Safari because I use an internet app provided by Accountable 2 U, which I absolutely need.

Does my daughter need to know this? I never, EVER intended to talk about my addiction to my children. EHHHH-VER. That was my private issue, my deal, and I didn’t have to talk to anyone about it unless I chose.

BUT.

Laura is dealing with a lot of stuff this year. She confides in me after her counseling sessions and in between about her anxiety and thoughts and difficulties, of which I have no comprehension because anxiety is not something I struggle with.

I sat there in the van, driving, heart pounding and thoughts racing. Yes, it’s my private stuff and no one needs to know. That’s true. But the deeper questions is: is my addiction such a horrifying, shaming secret that I need to keep it a secret? Because, yes, I still feel that way.

I bit the bullet and started with “Did I ever talk to you about the guys I grew up with?” and went from there. She actually asked at one point something like “Is this an addiction for you?” and I said yes. We talked basically the whole way home (30+ minutes). I did not go to places I didn’t feel comfortable talking about, but the general ideas I was trying to get across were:

1. We ALL have something. Everyone. We may hide it and try to look like we have it all together, but it’s there and it’s real.
2. You, as my daughter, have trusted me a lot this year with your emotions and problems. I want you to know that I trust you with mine.

I cried at the end. It was REALLY difficult to talk about–even after 22 years!–and I think I view it as a step in the direction of an adult relationship with Laura. She put her hand on my shoulder and assured me she wouldn’t talk about it with anyone. I came home and told Jim that I had told her.

Life is weird. Never say never!

How is it December and We’re Still Not Done?

Memorial Day Weekend Me was veehhhrrryyy optimistic. We were going to bang this out. We were NOT going to be those people who didn’t finish a project because of the piddling things. December Me, a much more compassionate, well-balanced, loving and accepting person, gets it. LIFE HAPPENS. Especially now that robotics season is upon us. Oh my word, I had kind of blocked the schedule from last season out of my mind. Because the TIME. The TIME that I am not seeing my husband is sucking. However, he’s being a GREAT DAD. And totally involved with our robotics son. So, wife is taking a bit of a back seat. It’s a season. And hey, maybe they won’t go to World’s this year. Or Super Regionals. Or States.

You didn’t hear me say that.

However, we did still host Thanksgiving, and the family was suitably impressed. My mother, bless her pointed head, said something like “I didn’t expect it to look this nice.” Because even though my husband used to be a contractor, I was helping on the project. I love my mom. Tactful, though, she’s not.

Still Left To Do:

Buy door trim/baseboard, paint, cut and install, touch up nail holes

Paint door trim that wasn’t taken down (and therefore didn’t get painted in the basement)

Install Vent cover

Buy and build new stool from Ikea

Buy, stain and install wooden thresholds and metal thresholds (Finding this is proving challenging due to the width) – (We ended up going with an aluminum one that is disability friendly. Because it’s also really strong.)

Caulk backsplash where caulk has shrunk

Dig out a bad spot on the caulk

Caulk where baseboard meets walls  (Just added this because I didn’t know it had to be done but it did and it got done so it belongs on this list!)

Filler panel between fridge and over-fridge cabinet and under cabinets on either side of microwave

Filler pieces cut and installed for under microwave

Adjust doors and drawers so that they are all perfectly level, then install soft close hinges

Electrician out to do finish electricity 

Electrical inspection (Passed!)

Drawer pulls

Figure out configuration of island interior (shelves on one side/drawers on other–depends on how electrical outlet will fit) and install drawers/shelves

Seal backsplash – First coat, second coat

Return unused/unneeded stuff to Ikea (October 7th)

Outside:replace trim/siding and an outlet from door installation – I bought the J-channel, so this can happen this coming weekend. I think. I hope. I cross my fingers.