Posted in Addiction

Celebrate Recovery

Hi Tina, I’m abc! Hi Tina, I’m fgh! Hi Tina, I’m pdq!

“My name is xxx.”

“Hi xxx!”

“Thanks for sharing, xxx.”

It was slightly cliched. But everyone was incredibly nice. There are two Celebrate Recovery meetings near me. I attended the Friday night one (four minutes from home) and will try the Wednesday night one next week (10 minutes from home).

There was, tonight at least, no specific group for women with SA, so I sat in one for codependency. They would have let me skip the sharing part, but I felt safe enough to say what’s been going on in my life this week.

Suckage, as an online friend puts it.

I’m now checking in with my pastor’s wife. She and I talked about the whole ugly saga on Tuesday. I talked to the pastor first–yes, that was suckage as well. I cried. It was hard. The pastor’s wife was easier. I’ve used the phrase “I’m a sex addict” m0re times this week than I have in the past five years. Literally.

I think I finally came to that point tonight. Here. Now.

1. Realize I’m not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable. (Yup. I’m not God.)

2. Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to Him, and that He has the power to help me recover. (This one was harder. I know He has the power to help me recover. But coming to the place where I believe I matter to God, after these past months, was and is hard. I had to remind myself that no matter how they act, I love my children. Unconditionally. If I am called a Child of God, then He must view me the same way) (See, that Identity theme is still a big deal to me!)

3, Consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ’s care and control. (And here’s where I am RIGHT THIS SECOND. This is the hard part. committing my life and will to God, ergo, not MY control. Which, let’s be honest, isn’t going so well!)

So I’ll be concentrating on Step 3 for the next bit. I know I’ve been spotty about posting. I’m making no guarantees, either. I’ve been in recovery long enough to know that there is a good place up ahead. There is healthy choices and no “just giving in”, but I’ve also been around the block long enough to know it’s going to take time, effort, and some pain.

So enough about me, how’s things with you, anyway?

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Posted in Addiction, Christian, Church, Me

Consequences

I sent this email today:

“Pastor, Elder1, Elder2 and Deacon,

I’m coming to you with a difficult thing to say. I feel the need to step down temporarily from my position of deacon. There is an area of sin in my life that makes it such that I feel I am unable to be in leadership, given the biblical requirements. I know that no one is without sin—that none of us are perfect—but this has been controlling me instead of me controlling it. I am committed to getting help, which is why it’s not a permanent step. If you feel the need for details I am willing to provide them, but didn’t feel comfortable doing so as a group.

Please accept my apologies for this.”

I’m going to Celebrate Recovery on Friday evening. Please pray that I find a sponsor. I’ve been wallowing in this. If I’m a deacon I can’t wallow and if I wallow I can’t be a deacon.

Posted in 7 Quick Takes, Jim, Job, Kids, Sick

7 Quick Takes Friday

1. So if you look carefully, you will see no posts  between LAST Friday’s 7QT’s and today’s 7QT’s. See #1 from last week? That stomach bug? Ethan left school last Thursday and didn’t go back until this Thursday. Bennett left school on Monday and is going back today. Jim has it. Having lots of people around during the day–a time when I am normally quite alone–makes for not much regular stuff happening. I apologize. However, to be fair, not a whole lot happened anyway. Just lots of changing of Ethan’s pullups and being very grateful that Bennett is potty trained and, of course, so is my husband. 😀 As a side note, the boys are 9. Ethan is special needs. Pullups are a part of our lives.

2. Back story: Jim quit his job back on November 5, 2010. He talked to many recruiters. One put him in contact with a consulting firm, who thought he was perfect for a job at one of their clients. The job would start the middle of December. Oh, wait. No, now it’s the beginning of January. Hang on, sorry, no, it will absolutely positively be the beginning of February. Oh, um, sorry, but the job fell through. Yes, folks. 3 months and we are back to square numero uno. He’s doing some “side work” (helping with someone’s computer, painting a kitchen) and is recontacting all those recruiters. Please pray, will you, that he finds a job–any job!–SOON.

3. I visited my local post office the other day and decided to take a look at the bulletin board on my way out.  There are all sorts of things posted there (my business card included). I hit a jackpot–there is a card for uninsured and underinsured (of which I currently am a member) for 24% off prescriptions sponsored by the National Association of Counties. Well, Thank You NACO! I just checked this morning and my local pharmacy, whom I love, accepts the card!

4. Bennett is finally not the last in line at karate. (for those not involved in it, they line up in order of belt color–highest to lowest) There was a new boy there who just tonight tested for his white belt–Bennett will test for his gold belt in two weeks. I’m slightly nervous. Apparently the belt-testing night is two hours long. Yikes! I thought he just did it and we could leave. Nope.

5. May I express to you how lovely it was to be HOME ALONE today? The peace, the quiet, the lack of TV, DS, music, fighting, running around, calling “mom!” etc was, quite simply, DIVINE. I’m very thankful that everyone is back to normal and that the fringe benefit is that everyone goes back to their regularly scheduled life.

6. Tomorrow we are celebrating my MIL’s birthday. It’s a banner one, and no, I’m not rude enough to announce it, but it will be friends and family coming over to her house and bringing appetizers and cake. Should be an excellent time of hanging out and eating great food.

7. I looked out the window today and I could actually see GRASS! We had rain and a few warm days and then back to frigid, but with only 5 weeks left until Spring, oh, I really hope that we’ve seen the last of the snow storms. Winter is my least favorite season, although, I must say that having a mudroom made this winter less annoying than any other year before. And in case you read over that sentence too quickly, I will say it again.

5 weeks until Spring!

Posted in 7 Quick Takes

7 Quick Takes Friday

1. The stomach bug has finally hit. A lot of my friends on Facebook have been complaining about it, and I’ve been extremely grateful to have missed it thus far. Ethan came down with either the Norovirus or Rotovirus and has to stay out of school until he is completely better–it’s that contagious. He was very snuggly this morning and has been rather pleasant today, so it’s not all that difficult other than lots of pull up changing. And being that the other three don’t play with him much, I’m hopeful that it will stay with him.

2. The forecasters yet again missed the ball. However, at least this time it was in our favor. They were calling for 2-3″ of ice. We got less than one. Whew! It was still one day with a 2 hour delay and another day off school–more due to the lack of electricity. The kids were actually happy to be back at school!

3. I finally gave in and posted on my Facebook that I was looking for clients for my organizing business. I don’t like doing that, because generally speaking I don’t want to read about someone’s business all the time on their FB posts. I got two potential clients out of it. I probably won’t do it again, so if you get my status updates, don’t worry!

4. The women of my church’s new bible study got put off a week due to the above-mentioned ice and snow day. We’re supposed to have more snow and ice this weekend. I wonder if it will affect church on Sunday. One of us has to stay home with Ethan–it would be nice to have it be both of us and to SLEEP IN.

5. May I apologize for the absolute banality of this post? It’s been somewhat of a slow week!

6. I got to help out again at the mobile food pantry on Thursday (was supposed to be Wednesday, but yes, ICE). Many people couldn’t come on Thursday due to the roads and weather, so another volunteer and I delivered some boxes of food. She and I got to talking during the ride and she got so excited when she heard I have a blind child. She knows an Amish family with two blind children who need services. I gave her my number and look forward to helping out! It’s always a blessing when I get to use any of our experiences for the good of someone else.

7. Still no word from Aetna as to whether they will approve my coverage now that I proved to them that I do not have high cholesterol or prediabetes. Ah, the joys of insurance! Those of you who are covered, please don’t take it for granted!

Posted in Christian, YouTube

This, THIS, is what it’s about

There was an unusual high school football game played in Grapevine, Texas.  The game was between Grapevine Faith Academy and the Gainesville State School.  Faith is a Christian school and Gainesville State School is located within a maximum security correction facility.
Gainesville State School has 14 players. They play every game on the road. Their record was 0-8. They’ve only scored twice. Their 14 players are teenagers who have been convicted of crimes ranging from drugs to assault to robbery. Most had families who had disowned them.They wore outdated, used shoulder pads and helmets. Faith Academy was 7-2. They had 70 players, 11 coaches, and the latest equipment.
Chris Hogan, the head coach at Faith Academy, knew the Gainesville team would have no fans and it would be no contest, so he thought, “What if half of our fans and half of our cheerleaders, for one night only, cheered for the other team?”  He sent out an email to the faithful asking them to do just that. “Here’s the message I want you to send, Hogan wrote. “You’re just as valuable as any other person on the planet.”Some folks were confused and thought he was nuts. One player said, Coach, why are we doing this?” Hogan said, “Imagine you don’t have a home life, no one to love you, no one pulling for you. Imagine that everyone pretty much had given up on you. Now, imagine what it would feel like and mean to you for hundreds of people to suddenly believe in you.”
The idea took root. On the night of the game, imagine the surprise of those 14 players when they took the field and there was a banner the cheerleaders had made for them to crash through. The visitors’ stands were full. The cheerleaders were leading cheers for them. The fans were calling them by their names. Isaiah, the quarterback-middle linebacker said, “I never in my life thought I would hear parents cheering to tackle and hit their kid. Most of the time, when we come out, people are afraid of us. You can see it in their eyes, but these people are yelling for us. They knew our names.”
Faith won the game, and after the game the teams gathered at the 50-yard line to pray. That’s when Isaiah, the teenage convict-quarterback surprised everybody and asked if he could pray and he prayed, “Lord, I dont know what just happened so I don’t know how or who to say thank you to, but I never knew there were so many people in the world that cared about us.”  On the way back to the bus, under guard, each one of the players was handed a burger, fries, a coke, candy, a Bible, and an encouraging letter from the players from Faith Academy.
What an incredible act of Christian witness and kindness and goodness that was.  Proverbs 11:17 says, “Your own soul is nourished when you are kind.” Proverbs 3:27 says, “Do not withhold good when it is in your power to act.”
Be kind to someone this week. Be kind to every person you meet.
You might be amazed at what God will do with a simple act of kindness.