Posted in Addiction

Recovery Bumps

So here’s the deal. I’m a recovering sex addict. If you don’t know that about me, feel free to look at the addiction link on the left and read up. I’m reasonably open about it. I’m also reasonably open about the fact that it stinks.

Recovery is HARD. I’ve been working at it, more or less, for over 16 years now. Some months are better than others. Sometimes the addiction is “on the back burner’ and I forget about it for days at a time. Other times it’s right in my face, reminding me time and time again that I have to make intentional choices about how I handle stress, fear, problems, etc because my default will usually be going on the internet and looking at or reading something completely inappropriate.

I have been looking at attending some sort of group therapy thing called Celebrate Recovery. It’s Christian-based and there are two groups that are local to me. Unfortunately, one meets while I am driving my son home from karate and the other meets while our church has its weekly prayer meeting. With Jim being an elder and me a deacon, there are certain expectations that one of us attend.

I’m committed to my recovery. It’s going to be a lifelong process. I wish that it was something more like alcohol where you just don’t drink. But sex, as a married person, is a part of my life. I have to have it be a healthy part of my life instead of unhealthy and that takes work. I’m somewhat discouraged with just how much work it takes sometimes.

Posted in 7 Quick Takes

7 Quick Takes Friday

1. I’m typing from amidst a winter wonderland, only notsomuch. Well, ok, to be fair, the snow is very pretty. All 16 inches of it. We got one of the famous “1, 2 punch” varieties of a nor’easter, and got slammed with a 1 1/2 feet of the fluffy stuff. Except it wasn’t fluffy. It was good, wet packing snow and really heavy to lift and get off the cars. It’s snowing right now (up to an inch) and we’re due for another storm on Wednesday.

2. Pursuant to #1, the kids who go to the local schools had one full day of school this week. Ethan had two. Come on, SPRING!

3.Also pursuant to #1, Spring is 51 days away.

4. Some nights I feel somewhat lazy and don’t take my regiment of 8 pills, one of which is Allegra (allergies). Inevitably I wake up with a sinus headache, necessitating taking two Advil. Ironic, no?

5. I have been rereading LaVyrle Spencer’s books. I read her, wow, a long time ago! Like before I got married. She came up in a recommendation “You like Author x, maybe you’ll like LS” and I have to say, although there are some “scenes” that don’t need to be there, she writes very moving stories with very believable characters.

6. I took some time to enter all the birthdays on the 2011 wall calendar I have hanging next to my desk. This year is one of some major milestones–we have three someones turning 10, someone else turning 30, another 65 and my father turns 80. 80! Now THAT’S a milestone! He and my mom have been married 56 years now. Way to go Mom and Dad!

7. Funny conversation from yesterday:

Jim is complaining about having to constantly tell the children to close the door when they go in or out.

Me: Honey, they are just like every other kid in America. Even you left the door open when you were young.

Jim: No I didn’t. I was perfect. Just ask my mom!

Catie: Dad, you aren’t Jesus!

And with that, I’ll leave you and say I hope you are living in a warm, sunshiney place that doesn’t have more than a foot of snow!

P.S. I just saw this on another 7QTF website (Thank you Elizabeth) and wanted to share it with you. I HATE Katy’s version, but the covers of it (like from Glee) are wonderful. I especially like how he changed the chorus to “Let’s spend the night talking, there’s no rush” instead of what Katy had to say. Sorry, Katy, I’ll take the new lyrics instead of your original ones!

Posted in 7 Quick Takes, Job, Kids

7 Quick Takes Friday

1. It’s been quite a week around here. Last Friday 1/2 day. Monday no school for MLK day. Tuesday snow day. Wednesday 2 hr delay. Thursday regular school day. Friday (today), 2 hour delay. They’re calling for more snow next week. CALGON, TAKE ME AWAY!!

2. How do you homeschooling mama’s do it? I love my children and would die for them, but oh, the joy of watching them get on the school bus every day cannot compare!

3. Pursuant to #1, I haven’t done a whole lot around the house this week. Except, oh, FINISHED MY FEDERAL AND STATE TAXES. BOOYAH!! We’re getting a Whopping, huge, ridiculous amount back, unexpectedly. We’re one of those families who chooses to give too much so we have a nice amount to use for home improvements. We usually get a good amount. However, this year, well, we gave more than last year, made less (due to Jim’s leaving), and also did the home improvements that qualified for the energy credit thingy. Unfortunately, the government changed things at the end of the year and the IRS won’t be processing our return until at least mid-February. Which, frankly, STINKS. I got mine in incredibly early, I want to get my return incredibly early, too.

4. This will be, as far as I know, our last year for that return. With Jim’s self-employment we’ll be doing quarterly estimated taxes and then a payment at the end. Sigh.

5. A family member who had previously been in an independent-living facility is moving to an assisted living/nursing home facility. Required: Cleaning out her current home. This will be a fairly involved project.

6. We’re again having to fight the kids’ insurance company. Now that they are the primary insurance, they are denying some medication that Laura has been taking for 3 or 4 months to control her nighttime bedwetting (DDAVP). She doesn’t take pills (they cover the pills), but uses the nasal spray instead. I’m going to google “how to teach your kid to take pills” after I finish this post!

7. Our pastor’s wife, Summer, came over this week. We were talking about my organizing business and my lack of marketing knowledge. She jumped right in with some great ideas–it seems that this is one of her “gifts”–being an “Idea Person”. LOVED IT! One of them was a newsletter…I’ve already finished the first draft and am waiting for her editor remarks. I’d love to be working now, but other than word-of-mouth, which all of my business has come from, I really struggle with how to get my name out there. So, if y’all need someone, drop me a line!

Posted in God, Money, Thankfulness

Blessing

My calendar is the end-all-be-all for me. If it isn’t on the calendar, it doesn’t get remembered. Period. Apparently I’m not the only one!

Over Christmas we were supposed to have a playdate with “Aunt Judy” and her kids. They were completely sick, so it got rescheduled for today. Only, Judy didn’t write it down. I called yesterday to confirm (smart me!) and she was like Huh? She had too much schoolwork to do. Ok, no big deal, we’ll hang out at home instead. Except not.

Our church received a call from a woman who had lost her job back in December and they needed food. I called last night and got more information and promised–barring an actively vomiting child–that I could come today with food from the food bank. Her response? She cried.

This morning I grocery shopped for our family, got kids fed and showered and just did normal things. This afternoon, however, I got to experience the complete HIGH of being used by God. What a blessing!

1. Wawa for a gas gift card

2. Food pantry to fill up on non-perishables for mom, dad and 3 boys.

3. Community Outreach member’s house for some frozen meat.

4. Gap Family Center for information pamphlets on Lancaster County’s food bank and angel food ministry. She’s actually not served by our outreach, but we are authorized to give out food whenever necessary.

5. To her house, where the kids and I stayed for the better part of two hours.  We brought in the food, talked, hugged, visited, commiserated, etc.

You know how, sometimes when you meet someone, there is just an instant connection? She and I had it. She’s a few years younger than me, has a 9 year old boy, 8 year old boy and a 2 year old boy. My kids had so much fun playing!

When I gave her the gas card, she cried and hugged me again.

While I may panic here and there about money while Jim is out of work, I do know in the back of my mind that we have a 401k that we can access. Yes, there is 20% tax and a 10% penalty to do it, but it’s there. My parents are there if we need them. I don’t WANT to go that route, but it’s there.

On the way home, I called Judy to thank her for forgetting and being too busy to get together. God obviously had WAY more important plans for my day than hanging out!

Posted in Kids, To Do List

Weekend Plans and Kids

Subtitle: NONE!

Can I express to you how happy I am that other than a friend of Jim’s coming over today to practice guitar with him and church on Sunday, we have NO PLANS?

Between my community outreach meeting Monday, a funeral and snow Tuesday, karate on Thursday and Friday evenings, I’m ready for a nice, long weekend of nothing.

Oh, and about the karate–Bennett LOVES it and earned his white belt. I know, it’s the lowest belt, but hey, it’s something he earned. He was very proud of himself and that’s a good thing. Next will be gold in about three months or so. So, as of this moment our kids are involved in:

Bennett: Trumpet, Good News Club, Karate

Laura: Piano, Good News Club

Catie: Good News Club, (karate when Jim starts his new job)

Ethan: Chorus (in school)

The trumpet requires getting to school early on every Day 6 (6 day cycle instead of 5 day in our school district). GNC is picking up at school every Thursday afternoon, and karate is taking to class 2x/week. I never thought I would turn into a chauffeur for my kids–so many of my mom-friends are and I figured I would somehow escape that fate because of Ethan. Ha.

 

Posted in Me

New Year’s Resolution

One of the things I really want to do this year is make some of the 37 recipes I have bookmarked under “recipes”.

I know it’s not the same as exercising more or losing 30 pounds, but hey, I have to start somewhere.

Posted in Addiction

Openness vs TMI

We had the weekly prayer meeting at our house last night (as an aside, it’s a great impetus to clean!) after our monthly deacon meeting, also at our house. The pastor was talking about being authentic. Then it came time to go around in a circle and ask for prayer requests. And I went back and forth about what to say.

On the one hand, I am sincerely STRUGGLING right now with my addiction. Between ovulating and Jim being unemployed, I just want to medicate. It’s been a really rough week or so. I’ve screwed up. I’ve repented. I’ve confessed and emailed my Accountability Partner. And screwed up again. Lather, rinse, repeat.

On the other hand, not one of the people there last night knows about this. I’ll say it again, sex addiction is not like alcoholism. As much as sin is sin is, they just are not in the same place with social acceptance. And sex addiction being what it is, generally speaking, it’s best to keep it within a same-gender accountability. There were four men there last night, only one of which was my husband.

So I kept my silence. I prayed silently for myself, adding to the out-loud prayers that another prayed for me for peace about Jim’s job situation. And I come here and be honest instead. Anonymously honest, which is safer.