Posted in Addiction, Birth Story, Counseling, God, Kids

Stuck

Emotionally that’s how I’ve felt lately. Very, very STUCK. Whether it’s unwillingness or inability to get past these issues in my life, I don’t know. Hence counseling that starts tomorrow night.

1. 13 years and still having difficulty with my son Connor’s death. We had, I guess, miracles with the others. Why couldn’t God have made HIM a miracle too? And while I get, on some level at least, that our life here is fleeting and like the grass withers and dies and heaven is forever, I don’t think it’s wrong to want to know your son on earth instead of waiting until you die and actually go to heaven. I want him HERE. And that’s impossible. And I can’t get past it.

2. Pursuant to #1, my relationship with God is rather strained. As in, nonexistent. There is no church. There isn’t much praying. There isn’t any reading of the bible. There is some listening to Christian radio–both music and teaching. There is some willingness to talk to a friend. 

3. Pursuant to #2, Sex addiction. Yeah, that. If it wasn’t for the fact that both my PC and cell were completely monitored, I would most likely still be off in the deep end. I lost most of August to it. Not exaggerating. In a rare moment of sanity, I had Jim disable certain things on my iPhone and now I only have access to monitored internet and no book apps. And I cannot add apps. And I am not so far gone that I don’t care that Jim or my AP sees the filth that I was reading online. But it’s still there. And it still needs to be dealt with.

And I need to get UN-stuck.

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Posted in 7 Quick Takes, Addiction, Counseling, Family, Recipe

7 Quick Takes Friday

7 Quick Takes Friday

1. Screech! It’s past the middle of September! How did we get here?? We’re finishing up the third week of cyber school and I’m STILL trying to get some semblance of routine with driving, home facilitating with school and housework. Oh, and laundry. I’ve had to re-wash laundry 4 times this week because I kept forgetting about it. And I can’t even blame it on the washer–it’s on the same floor I’m on practically all day (not in the basement, where I forgot about it all the time).

2. On a more serious note, I had an intake evaluation for counseling this week. Deep breath. Boy, was I nervous! I have done counseling off and on for more than 20 years for all sorts of things: family relationships, addiction, marriage, etc. However, it’s been awhile since I’ve done it. Talking about any of my issues, especially addiction, is difficult. But I had reached the point where, honestly, what I’m doing is just not working anymore. So I think a professional’s opinion and input would be rather helpful at getting me past where I’m stuck. (which I will cover in a future post, I promise!)

3. This was a banner week in my extended family. My parents celebrated their SIXTIETH wedding anniversary. SIX ZERO, people! That’s amazing! According to Google, without which I would be completely lost, it’s their Diamond anniversary. Way to Go Mom and Dad!

Also in my extended family, my sister and brother in law celebrated their 26th wedding anniversary. On the same day. I remember being so happy for my sister at her wedding. We adored (and continue to adore!) the man she chose to spend the rest of her life with. May they one day celebrate their 60th too!

4. I had a neighbor over for coffee this morning. While that doesn’t sound like much, we’ve been in the same neighborhood for 6 years or so, have children the same age and are even both believers. And this is the first time we sat down to chat. Ever. So yeah, I’m looking forward to more coffee talks with her. Women friends ROCK.

5. I made these Fish Tacos this week. YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM!! One of the best things I’ve had in a long time. I love when what I make at home is restaurant-good! Mine weren’t QUITE this picturesque, but they were delicious!

6. The girls and I watched the 2nd half of Singin’ in the Rain this week. a) they both loved it b) they want to watch the rest of it c) I wonder if I can translate that to seeing OTHER wonderful musicals? Because there are so many out there!

7. My mother in law contacted me for the person I used for Connor’s gravestone 13 years ago (for her mother’s marker). I knew exactly where the information was (notebook from that time period) and she was still in business. My MIL remembered that we said how wonderful she was and wanted to use her as well. I think that people who work in the “death industry” (for lack of a better phrase!) tend to be extra-nice. I’m sure there are jerks. And maybe the people we worked with were jerks to others–maybe they were extra nice because it was the death of a baby. I don’t know. But everyone was SO kind to us and I’m glad that at least one of them is getting more business because of that.

For those of you who follow my posts, I just wanted to give you a quick shout out. It kind of freaks me out that people do that. So Hello! Thank you! I appreciate you! Feel free to comment! 🙂

Posted in 7 Quick Takes, Family, Kids, School

7 Quick Takes Friday

1. I know, I know, it’s been awhile. Sorry! End of summer + beginning of school year + a death in the family = blogging going out the door.

2. My husband’s grandmother, Grammy, passed away in August. That he HAD a grandmother at 45 is amazing to me. My one and only grandparent, Nana, died when I was 6. So when I married this wonderful man who just happened to have four living grandparents it was incredible to me. Not only that, but the ones who lived near us were terrific people. I LOVED having adopted grandparents. It filled a hole that I didn’t know I had. Five years ago or so we said good-bye to his grandfather and now have said farewell to his grandmother. The memorial service was so wonderful–she was much loved and everyone had kind things to say. Yeah, there were some funny stories, but overall the tone was one of respect and fondness for a delightful woman. You will be missed, Grammy.

3. The beginning of school has been hectic. New carpools, new schools, unexpected purchases of school items because the gifted school wants them….I really don’t miss public school. Really. But sometimes I miss that bright yellow school bus. And being alone. I’m NEVER ALONE.

4. Many years ago I attempted to be an ebay seller. Didn’t last long. Craigslist is hard because we are between the Philadelphia and Lancaster sites. Enter Facebook! Our local area has at least four FB selling sites. It’s WONDERFUL. I can buy and sell and meet the person at the local WalMart. So far I haven’t had a bad experience, which is saying something!

5. This past month we also had 6 trees removed. Five were really, really ugly pine trees lining the right backyard. The original owner planted them as Christmas trees. And they were ok until they grew and grew and grew and YUCK. The 6th was a pin oak that we actually liked, but it more than halfway died in the brutal winter of 2013-2014. Now we just have little humps of ground up stumps, which will rot away and get covered with grass seed next year or so. And our backyard looks massive!

6. I’ve got my coffee drinking down to science now. And this is huge for a former die-hard tea drinker. I completely blame Keurig. They made it possible for me to have one cup of coffee, mad with the light roast that I like. I add two level teaspoons of sugar and..ahem…three tablespoons of light cream. And that makes coffee taste wonderful. I know I can’t actually TASTE the coffee…that’s the point. Coffee does not taste good. But boy is that caffeine hit amazing!

7. Something else that happened in August that’s rather noteworthy: My triplets turned 13. Yes, people, I have three teenagers and one tween. Two of the kids are already taller than me, one is only a half-inch shorter and the youngest is only an inch shorter. THIS is why I married a tall man! I wanted to give those kids a fighting chance at some height!