Posted in Marriage

State of the Marriage

I’ve always thought that marriages–just by their nature–have highs and lows. Rocky times and smooth times. For a long time, we’ve enjoyed the smooth. Things seemed to be going pretty ok. I wasn’t foolish enough to think that it would always stay that way, but I enjoyed it while it lasted.

Christmas Eve we had quite a LONG discussion/fight. I asked if he thought we should do marriage counseling. He said maybe. Fast forward a month and man, I KNOW we NEED to do it. He may have said his piece, but having thought and prayed a LOT over the past weeks, there seems to be a lot going on in my brain and heart that I would like to not only share with him, but share in front of an educated ear who can hear and help heal. And I’m coming up against some resistance to counseling, which is confusing to me.

We’ve been married 23 years. There’s been some very tough ones in that number–we’ve been to marriage counseling a few times–and some very sweet ones as well.

If you are a praying sort, please pray that we would make our way to a good marriage counselor (our old one is long retired).

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Posted in Health

There Should Be a Rule

That both parents can’t get sick at the same time. Because, boy howdy, does the world fall apart when it happens!

Jim, Ethan and I went to a model train expo last Sunday. Tuesday morning he and I both woke up feeling….not quite right. Enter a VIRUS. No, not just a cold, because this had GI symptoms. And no, not just a GI bug, because this has head cold and exhaustion symptoms. But no fevers. Because then I would suspect the flu. I have had the flu shot, but Jim has not and this has hit us quite equally. Ethan escaped, which leads me to believe we shook someone’s hand or touched a surface that Ethan didn’t.

Thankfully, our kids are teenagers, and older teenagers at that. They are able to not only mostly fend for themselves, but also take care of things that need to be taken care of by mostly Jim and me. So yay for that.

Every day since Tuesday morning I have needed a nap to get through the day. And these are not quick cat naps. These are 1-1.5 hour naps. Of course, that means I’m having more trouble falling asleep at night, but if I didn’t nap, well, I’d just sit on the couch like a zombie anyway.

I’m playing a little catch up today with my desk and laundry. It’s weird, and disheartening, to have lost essentially a week. Nothing but driving a kid to school 6 minutes away (and trying to do a few dishes along the way) got done. Not even showering! When I say we’ve been sick I mean it.

Now, we are definitely on the mend. Being able to play catch up today proves it. But I’m guessing I’ll be napping this afternoon.

Posted in Change, Kids, Me

The Year of Change

Some people choose a “word for the year” each new years. I’ve done it myself–last year in fact! (It was Engaged). This year I’m going with the word Change. Because I need to embrace it, although I typically hate it.

Change in parenting, change in my marriage, change in my work status…lots of change in circumstances.

However, I’d also like to embrace some internal change as well, more likely known as growth.

There’s been some serious talks around here lately, between my husband and I, between my sister and I and even between me, myself and I. Conversations about things that need to be addressed, looked at, and yes, changed.

So here we are. 5 1/2 months until graduation, 8 1/2 months until Laura goes to college and let the roller coaster start!

Posted in Christmas, Me

It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas

December 20th. 5 sleeps until Christmas Day. ONE DAY left of school and work. I love Christmas and all, but oh, how we as a family need the break from life this year! School is being, well, SCHOOL. Work is, well, WORK. My family is burned out and needs to sleep in, relax and unwind for more than one or two days in a row.

That said, the house is decorated, the tree is up, the presents are all purchased as are the stocking stuffers. I have to make one batch of fudge tonight and another Sunday. We need to wrap presents. So at this point we are at a good place with holiday preparations.

Ethan and I attended church on Sunday, which we haven’t done in months. I was pleased to see a few gals from my Thursday morning Bible Study, and enjoyed the time there. I love being at church. I don’t like GOING there, but I love BEING there, if that makes sense? I’m hoping that 2019 finds us more faithful with church attendance.

As we close out this year, I wanted to say Thank You to my readers and followers. If you had asked me 13 years ago if I would still be blogging I would have probably laughed. Yet here I am. Still posting, still wondering, still parenting, still figuring things out. Thanks for coming along for the ride with me.

Posted in Change, Health, Me

When Did I Become a Drinker?

I grew up in a tee-totalling household. We were Baptists and that was part of it, but my mother’s father was a active alcoholic until his death and that was the larger part of it. I chose, at 21, to try it. My brother cannot drink and be ok, and I didn’t want to end up where he was. But I figured I would be able to tell if I couldn’t handle it. And honestly, that has largely been true.

I chose, on my honeymoon, to actively allow myself to get drunk. I was in DisneyWorld, at a bar that we walked to from our hotel room and I figured it didn’t get more safe than that. I got schnockered on two mixed drinks and HATED it. I couldn’t control my body and felt awful. I thankfully didn’t get a hangover, but that was my one and only time being totally drunk. In the last 20 years or so, I’ve mistaken how much I could have on an empty stomach or how strong a drink was and been a little loopy, but all in all, I’ve been a responsible kind of imbiber.

It helped that I didn’t like it much. Beer? YUCK. Straight liquor? YUCK. Wine? YUCK. Mixed drinks where you can’t taste the alcohol, ok. Then a few years back I discovered moscato and hello! I liked wine! I could have a glass at a social event and fit in! I could go to a winery and actually drink something! I could buy a bottle, keep it in the fridge and enjoy a glass here and there.

And that’s mostly where I’ve been. I really hate the current culture where people joke about how much wine they drink or how hard it is to get through the day until they can get a glass in their hand.

But with all the new research that’s coming out about how there’s really no level of alcohol that is healthy (despite all the crap that the spew about red wine and the heart), I’m finding myself at a place where I think I want to just stop drinking. I read¬†this article today, where the author talks about how she gave up drinking a year ago. It won’t be missed in my side of the family. My sister can’t drink after having chemo. My brother is in recovery and doesn’t drink. My parents still don’t drink. Just my husband and my brother in law do on my side.

So I’m taking a leap of faith and announcing here, officially, that I am no longer a drinker.

Posted in Change, Kids, Me

The Firsts of the Lasts

Having two of my triplets be seniors means there’s not only a lot going on (there’s ALWAYS a lot going on!), but there’s a lot of “last times” as well. The last first day of school. The last first marking period. The last school pictures. The last pediatric dentist appointment. This week was a biggie: Laura’s last IEP. Yes, I got a little verklempt!

Laura’s IEPs used to be short–20-25 minutes–and easy.¬† But then last year hit and she went downhill so quickly. Instead of just vision support and Orientation and Mobility, she’s now getting counseling and occupational therapy. I’m happy that her school is so caring and supportive. I argued for more OT–every week instead of every other–and they agreed to change it. Hooray for advocating for my daughter!

In news about ME for once, I had a big milestone birthday. Yep. I’m 50! The actual birthday was kind of a letdown between my reaction to a medication and the reaction of one of my teenagers, but I’m looking forward (mostly) to this coming year as I enter this decade of massive change. I’m questioning a lot, wondering a lot, thinking a lot and emoting all over the place (up, down, up, down! I’m like an adolescent!). Here’s to menopause and may it happen SOON!

And here’s to the many lasts that will be happening in the next months. May I face them hopefully and happily and not cry too much.

Posted in Family

The Ladies Who Lunch

Every so often, as often as we can manage it, my mother, my sister and I get together for lunch. We’ve done this for a long time now, longer than I’ve been driving kids to school because I remember having to work around my sister’s carpooling schedule and that was 8 or 10 years ago! Even though we technically live in the same town, we live in three different ends of it and don’t often see each other. So planning lunches is necessary.

The nature of lunch has change a bit over the years. Where my mother was in her mid 70’s, now she in her mid 80’s. Where my sister had three in high school/middle school, now she had an empty nest and a grandchild to babysit 2x/week. Where I had littles with little problems, now I have four teenagers, some with fairly large problems.

My mother used to actively participate in the conversations. She often now will sit and listen to my sister and I talk. She will be 86 in two months. (My father just turned 87) and it is a little hard to see. Firstly, I am amazingly grateful that I still have two parents. I know this is rare, especially at my age. But it is hard when the conversation turns to “five years from now” and know that my parents will probably not be part of our lives anymore.

Both of them, but especially my mother, are becoming forgetful. She forgets things you said within the conversation you are still having, as well as something said a few months ago. I’ll admit that if I hadn’t seen my sister go through this with her in-laws, I would have gotten fairly exasperated with having to remind my mother. But understanding that Mom just can’t help it has made me gentle, either reminding her or letting it go altogether.

As of now, both of my parents can still do the daily tasks required for life–food prep, eating, self-care, bill paying and what have you. My sister, having walked this road before, has an educated eye on what to look for. I’m slowly catching up. This is one of the reasons we moved back–so that my sister wouldn’t have to carry the burden alone. (And so that we could be there for my MIL, who is in her early 70’s and lives alone.)

I earnestly hope that my girls and I get to be friends and have lunch together when they are old enough. It’s been such a blessing with my sister and mother.