Posted in Christian, Family, Health, Money

Where Things Stand

I’ve done this off and on over the years and thought it was time for another:

Health: It’s an uphill battle to getting healthy, but I’m working on it. After my last visit to the endocrinologist, whereby she read me the riot act in a polite way, I’ve been eating better and taking my medication again. I get bloodwork in mid-November and see her the week after, so we’ll see if there’s any improvement. Also, I scheduled my first colonoscopy today (November 15th) and got my umpteenth allergy shot, still continuing weekly. Both boys are getting plastic surgery this month to fix some stuff leftover from when they were tiny babies. Hoping for good outcomes for both.

Education: Laura is thriving at college, Catie is slogging through 11th grade much the same way Bennett and Laura did. Ethan is enjoying senior year. Only one IEP this year, and that’s in December. At this stage I’m not fighting about homework anymore, which is a wonderful thing.

Finances: August and September stunk as usual. October is good and November will be even better. My part time job helped pay for the lawyer’s services this month (special needs paperwork/ HIPAA etc signed by the triplets).

Spirit: I’m feeling friendly towards the Holy Spirit these days. Other than a few days ago, I’ve been to church each Sunday since I started back (and that’s going by myself!). I’m thoroughly enjoying it–the music, the messages, seeing Laura and my sister there….I just need to make some friends, which is a little challenging right now. I’m having a hard time keeping up with my existing ones as it is!

Family: Things are pretty good! Jim and have been doing marriage counseling for awhile now, which has been great. Figuring out how to do things differently has been wonderful for us. Catie is settling into CPFA (fine arts school) and is taking choir, acting, ceramics and piano. In other words, utterly different from the plan that Laura followed. I love how different my girls are from each other, but they are both so talented! Ethan still has a special friend.

All in all, things are actually going well for now. I’m continuing to adjust to working part time–figuring out grocery shopping and doing things around work hours instead of during.

Posted in Christian, God, Kids

Known By Love Not Judgement

Laura: Mom, is gay marriage in the Bible?

Me: No.

Laura: Then is it OK?

Me: No. I don’t think the writers of the Bible conceived of gay marriage. But there are a lot of things that aren’t in the Bible that aren’t OK. Abortion isn’t in the Bible, but it’s still wrong. But I’ll tell you what, Laura. It’s not my job–or your job–to tell people that what they are doing is wrong. It’s our job to love them.

Laura: …..

Me: I think too often we as Christians are known by what we are against and not what we are for. God has told us to love. Love people regardless of what we think of how they live. It’s not our job to judge them, it’s our job just to love them. It’s God’s job to tell them what they are doing is wrong. It’s my job to love them.

Posted in Christian, God, Me

Co-Inky-Dink

So, as I said last time I’m not one to see a demon behind every struggle, although I definitely believe that they are behind some. Conversely, I don’t see God in every little “coincidence”, although I definitely believe He is in some of them.

So….The falling-apart-day had one thing in it that I didn’t know about until the following day after I posted. While I was out grabbing lunch at a local farmer’s market store, I checked out and saw that they had Our Daily Bread by the check out counter (oh, yeah, they are Christian owned and operated). So, on a whim, I grabbed one and put it in the bag. Forgot about it because I just took the food out and ate it and left the bag on the counter (which I am trying to grow out of!)

So, Thursday I’m straightening up, which included the counter. Find the Daily Bread and put it on the living room coffee table for later perusing.  When I sat down to start reading it, I noticed it was the June,July,August issue. Now, the OCD part of me would normally be totally bugged by that, but I needed to do SOMETHING, so I ignored it and just opened to the first page. The passage was John 10:7-14, which, COINCIDENTALLY, contains the verse “I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” that I spoke about two posts ago.

Thank you, God, for that little pat on the head. I needed it. I’m searching and You really me to keep at it, huh?.

Posted in Christian, God, Me

Yesterday…All My Troubles Weren’t Far Away

So, if you read yesterday’s post, you know a little bit about where I am right now. After I pressed publish I prayed that God would help me. That He would help me to find Him.

And then…WHOA…the day fell apart.

I’m not one to see the work of the devil in everything. I don’t see demons behind every door. But I had a CRUMMY, LOUSY, AWFUL, ROTTEN day yesterday. I tried to go out to lunch to break up the “stuck at home” feeling and ended up crying in the parking lot. Crying in the parking lot, for heaven’s sake! For NO DISCERNIBLE REASON.

It kind of freaked me out. I wasn’t ovulating (and therefore crazy and short tempered). Nothing was different that I could tell. But I was so, so sad and out of sorts. So depressed and couldn’t hardly stand to be with myself.

After I pressed publish.

Even I’m not going to ignore that coincidence.

I’m hoping (and praying) for a better day today.

Posted in Bible Study, Christian, Church, Me

Relationship with a Spirit

You want real? Really Real? Here it is.

I grew up in the church. Went from the moment of conception onward. Sunday school, baptism, church choir, etc. Changed churches at 17 to worship with my friends (although stayed Baptist). Did the Sunday school thing some more, the youth group thing, and finally met God. Turned my life over to him. Don’t know if it was getting saved or rededication. I had always believed, but it had never made a difference. Grew. Grew like Crazy. Started dating Jim and changed churches to worship in his church. Non-denominational. Grew some more. Got married and started to try to get pregnant. After a lot of help, finally got pregnant. Had four children at 25 weeks, lost one, had one be blind and not eat, had two on oxygen, had one with a colostomy.

This was NOT THE PLAN. Life wasn’t perfect. God let us down. We didn’t get it–or Him–and turned away. Stopped going to church, stopped growing, stopped following, everything. Life was about survival.

2005, January. We knew, for whatever reason, that the kids should be in church. We went to a few different ones, but ended up at a lovely, nurturing sweet church. I sat in that pew, week after week, angry or just indifferent. God kept knocking. Finally made the decision of will, that regardless of how I felt, I believed God was a good God. I would set aside my feelings and follow Him again. I started praying, started not being so angry, started following.

2013. April. There is no closeness. There is no growth. There is a desire, oh, yes, a desire. But a complete lack of how to get that closeness. Bible study, when I try, is dryer than the Sahara. It’s just reading words on a page–filling in blanks in a book. The pastor on Sunday talked about how Jesus was the Way, the Truth and the Life. The life part was supposed to be abundant. Mine’s not. I haven’t admitted that openly, but there it is. I want it to be. Honestly I do. And I feel like, by this point in my life I should know how to do it, like if I follow the bullet points of pray, read my bible, listen to Christian music, then I’ll get there.

I miss God. I miss that joy, that growth, that abundance of a depth of relationship with God. Any suggestions, people?

Posted in Christian, Me

New Year, New Me?

All over Facebook people are making resolutions–lose weight, get organized, clean, be a better parent, eat better…you name it, they want to change it. And I’m not trying to imply that’s a bad thing. Change can be a very good thing. Yes, you heard me say that!

I haven’t jumped in to the conversations yet because I’m not sure where I want to go. I have a lot of things about me that I’d like to improve– my weight, consistent organization of my desk, consistent quiet times, eating better, working out….all very good things. I would like to think that this time next year I’ll be a little different–changed by my life experiences of the upcoming 366 days (leap year!).

2011 was certainly a difficult year for us as a family. Work and lack thereof, money and lack thereof, trust and lack thereof–it showed me I have some definite areas of needed growth. In 2010, before Jim quit, I definitely considered myself a “giver”–I loved to give financially to those in need. When he quit and things took quite  a turn for the worse, I found myself concerned–CONSTANTLY CONCERNED–that there would be enough. And other than our usual ministries that we give to, I didn’t give more. Even though Jim has had a good contract since August and will at least through April. I want to get past that worried mindset and get back to the giving mindset. I liked that person. Giving financially. Giving time. Sharing ME.

So maybe that will be my 2012 new year’s resolution. To give as God would want me. Not more. Not less. But what He calls me to, I will give.

Posted in 7 Quick Takes, Christian, Health, Vacation

7 Quick Takes Friday

1. Wow. THAT week flew by! Did everyone notice more posts from me, didja, huh, didja? I am trying to do what I said I’d do!!

2. We went to bed in summer and woke up firmly in fall. I LOVE IT. It was 40 when I got up. It’s supposed to go up to 65 today. This summer wasn’t HORRIBLE, but Fall is just way better. Plus, we only had ONE DAY of rain this week. That, after all we’ve had, is a miracle!

3. One of my favorite authors, Gayle Roper, just put out a new book. I LOVE when that happens! Shadows on the Sand is a good read, well written and worth it. If you are broke, just head to your local library!

4. T minus 3 weeks and counting for our anniversary getaway. I can’t tell you how excited I am about this. This is what we’ll be doing on Saturday. Doesn’t it look FUN?! Yeah, I know, I need to get out more.

5. I had the honor and privilege of delivering food to a family that had none this week. N. O. N. E. The father of five opened his fridge and showed me two shelf-stable cartons of milk. That was it. Our organization, the Parkesburg Churches Community Outreach, is getting more and more requests. The economy is really hitting so many people hard! Having been close to that this year, I’m very grateful for Jim’s job!

6. I just started reading a new book, The PCOS Diet Plan. I’ve known I had PCOS for more than 11 years now. When I was diagnosed with prediabetes, I made some immediate changes in my diet to started medication to treat it and am now no longer considered prediabetic. However, part of PCOS is having insulin resistance. And a lot of those changes I made those many years ago have ceased. I’ve already said I need to lose weight. I also need to take better care of myself, nutritionally. I’m hoping this book is a good place to start.

7. I’m going in, folks. Today is the day that I delve into the bins of children’s clothes and figure out what they have and what they need. This is, hands down, one of my least favorite things to do. If you don’t hear from me by tomorrow, send in a search part!

8. Oh, and I’m adding this quick “awkward parent conversation” as an extra. Backstory: Laura was too vigorous with the soap between her legs and ended up with some major irritation in her urethra. Water, Tylenol, bath with baking soda…all fine. While I was trying to describe where her urethra was, she asks “what’s the thing in the middle?”

I’m really hoping it’s just her vagina, but I asked “you mean the thing that sticks out?”

“Yes.” oh joy. Boys are so much easier!

“That’s your clitoris”

“What’s it do?”

Jim’s in the living room (we’re in the kitchen) and starts laughing. The jerk.

“Um….it’s for when you’re married. It’s for sex.”

“Oh.” Thank goodness no more questions!