Posted in Church

God’s Leading Even If I’m Clueless

Today was the culmination of a week of seemingly random occurrences that only this afternoon I put together.

  1. Last week? Week before? I used the Lord’s name in vain. I honestly NEVER do that, and it shocked me. I internally noted that I feel like things are very different with me not going to church.
  2. Catie and Ethan had a dentist appointment. Afterward we dropped by the vet office to pick up dog meds. After THAT, we drove home, but that took us past the church we visited a few times back around Easter. Catie remarked that she wanted to go again.
  3. I had a two hour conversation with my sister. This, in itself, is insanely rare. During the conversation we discussed many different things, but two of them were church and how my family has not attended in a long time and my feelings about that, and her meeting someone from her past and their reconciliation.
  4. Last night I determined that I would go to church–that even if I slept in to 7:30 I still had plenty of time to get ready for the 9am (first) service. And this morning, when I got up, I still determined that I would go. I got a shower first thing, which helps keep me on track, and I told each family member that I was going and they were invited. Only Ethan chose to go with me.
  5. Because I got there early and only had Ethan, I had more choices in where I sat. I chose the fifth row on the right hand side.

Now, all those things seem to not be very connected. But this morning, when I glanced around and saw someone I haven’t seen in 12-14 years because we had a falling out, well, God used all those things to get me to the place where I could say hi after church, hug her and apologize for what I had said all those years ago. She was very “it’s water under the bridge” about it, but to be able to say I was sorry after all those years of regretting and it being on my mind and heart–it was amazing. We now live very close to each other and she got my number.

It was a GOOD day and I’m so very glad I went to church!

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Posted in Health, Me

The Change

Those two words deserve to be in capitals. Really. Perimenopause sounds so…unassuming. So not a big deal. The Change, though, sounds much more descriptive, though both are true. I’ve been in perimenopause for maybe two years? Ish? Not sure when it started, although it’s been more than a year. My cycle is still very regular (for me, which equals roughly every 6 weeks). I don’t typically get much in the way of hot flashes, thank goodness. But moodiness? Oh my yes. It’s like I have PMS all the time. And when I actually DO get PMS I’m biting everyone’s head off. And weepiness? It literally just occurred to me yesterday that the weepiness I’ve been dealing with for the past few months might not actually only be about being sad because the kids are getting older and doing so many milestones.

I was reading a book–a novel!–and read a paragraph that was sad.  And found real tears in my eyes. And though to google “perimenopause and weepiness” and BOOM. Hello other people going through it! I haven’t been like this since I was pregnant, which was a long, long time ago. I’m not a cryer by nature, except for videos of soldiers coming home and adult children telling their families they are pregnant. But lately commercials, TV shows, watching my kids…you name it and I’m in tears. Which believe me, makes me feel stupid. Which yeah, I know I need to get over.

I’m just grateful I can put a name to this moodiness and that at some point it will actually be done once I’m in menopause. Right? Or does this actually continue? Readers who have gone through it please comment!

Posted in Kids, Me, Vacation

We Made It

Whew! The hardest academic year–by far!–is finally finished. Bennett and Laura are now seniors (Ahhh!), Ethan is a junior and Catie is a sophomore. While the greater part of me is sad, there’s a tiny part that wonders just what this upcoming year will bring. What will I be typing here next June (through a heavy veil of tears, I’m sure!). What they will experience and feel as they come to the end of high school. I’ll let you know in 12 months–we’ll meet back here, ok? 🙂

In the meantime, we have a small breather of a few weeks for them. Physical therapy for my back continues–some days very well and some days (like today) slowly and painfully. We meet with our lawyer on Monday to start our wills and special needs trust. Trying to made decisions with 60+ years in the future for Ethan is somewhat daunting. I hope and pray that we are able to fund that trust and that it is enough. A few dentist appointments, med checks with the psychiatrist, and bloodwork and endocrinologist–well, there goes June.

Ethan leaves on June 30th for his summer camp, comes back on the 7th and then leaves on the 8th for his 4-week-long summer program for the visually impaired. Then Laura leaves on the 14th for Penn State for her 3-week-long summer program for the visually impaired. They both come back on the 3rd of August and then we leave on the 9th for Michigan. Wheee! There goes the summer!

I’ll do my best to post–I’m not that great over the summer, but I’ll try. I know, I know, “Do or do not, there is no try.” But still, I will.

 

 

Posted in House, Kids, Me

Mayhem

SCREECH! It’s MAY!!! The busiest month of the year–even beating December, and that’s saying something y’all! (The title of this post is courtesy my friend Julie, who named it such and I’ve now adopted it. Thanks Julie!)

I’m looking at my calendar that hangs on the wall to the left of me at my desk. With the exception of the 20th and the 27th, EVERY SINGLE DAY has something written down in their date square. And that’s just the stuff that has been scheduled ahead of time. That doesn’t include regular school carpooling and things that will crop up as the month unfolds further.

Breathe. Breathe. In. Out. Every year I get here and every year I wonder how I will get through this month. And then I think about next year being senior year for two of my kids and start to flutter in panic, and then I stamp it down because “sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof”, which is a beautiful King James version of saying “STOP WORRYING ABOUT NEXT YEAR YOU NINNY!”

I started back to PT on Monday and go again tomorrow. I’m definitely starting right back at the beginning. The shots did a little bit–I’m more aware of my back in a general sense and it only spikes up a bit when I’ve been walking or standing for a long time.

In house news, well, we’re the owners of a brand new dishwasher and a brand new pipe going from the water main into our house. Neither of which were planned or expected, but this is why we have an emergency fund!

I’m falling asleep at the keyboard (I’ve had to retype this sentence because my fingers are forgetting how to spell and type correctly!), so even though it’s not even 10, I’m heading to bed. Night, y’all!

Posted in Health

In Which I Didn’t Have a Heart Attack

 

Saturday morning started very normally. Catie had to be to work at 9, so we were going to head out the door at 8:45. At 8:15 it crossed my mind that I could get a quick shower, but I decided nah, I’ll do it after I drop her off. And brush my hair. And brush my teeth. And get more protein to add to my “only had an English muffin and coffee” breakfast. Except, no.

8:45 I’m walking through my laundry room on my way out the side entrance of our house. I’m passing by the dryer and OW OW OW OW OW. My chest suddenly feels like there is a really tight elastic band around it and it HURTS. I can’t breathe, even, because it hurts so much.

What is RULE #1 of chest pain as an adult? PAY ATTENTION TO IT.

I paused a few moments, thinking it would pass quickly. It didn’t. Catie came up behind me, so I started to walk forward again. I took a step or two outside the house and stopped again because, really, I shouldn’t ignore this. Catie is looking at me at this point. I get my phone and start to google “women heart attack symptoms” because I know they are different from men’s. The first one is chest pressure.  Well, yeah. But I don’t seem to have the other ones, so I get in the car and keep scrolling, holding onto part of my chest because it still really hurts. Catie gets Dad, and I start to think–you know, I probably should get this looked at. I drive to urgent care and let Jim take her to work.

Urgent care scolds me, saying I should have gone to the ER. She calls 911. At this point I’m starting to get a little scared and cry a bit. Which I hate. Because I am woman, hear me roar, not cry in public! Jim calls and finds out what’s going on and agrees to meet at the hospital. The ambulance pulls up, gets me on a gurney and out the door (humiliations galore–I DO NOT like attention!) and into the back of the ambulance. The start hooking me up to stuff and asking 100 questions. The comes a moment when the band tightens around my chest and I literally couldn’t breathe at all. It passes and I can breathe, but am kind of getting really frightened at this point. If it isn’t a heart attack, what the heck is it?

We arrive at the ER, I’m wheeled in, hooked up to their EKG and asked more questions. They do bloodwork and a chest x-ray quickly. Jim and his mom come in. I get another squeeze-can’t-breathe thing. My bp (normally 110/72) is 145/82, which kind of freaks me out. I NEVER have high blood pressure. Even pregnant with quadruplets I never had it.

EKG is normal. Chest xray is good. Blood work is good except for the D-Dimer, which is positive or elevated or something and might indicate that I have a blood clot. It’s going to be a few more hours. I feel ok, so Jim’s mom leaves to go home to the kids. Jim leaves to get me McDonalds and then head home to take Ethan and Laura to a field trip with Overbrook at a local park. My sister comes to the ER to keep me company. The CT is ok, although the contrast part hitting my system is WEIRD.

While waiting for CT results, what the doctor tells me is that I did not and am not having a heart attack. Which, HALLELUJAH. Thankyouverymuch.

CT shows I have slight pneumonia. And the horrible band of pain and pressure is Costochondritis. “Costochondritis (kos-toe-kon-DRY-tis) is an inflammation of the cartilage that connects a rib to the breastbone (sternum). Pain caused by costochondritis might mimic that of a heart attack or other heart conditions.” (mayoclinic.org) Yeah, that.

They sent me home on a Z-pack and an anti-inflammatory. I took it easy the rest of Saturday, but Sunday I was up and doing regular stuff. Today I was grocery shopping and feeling fine. If I had to go to the ER and have a dramatic adventure, at least it’s with an “all’s well that ends well” ending!

Posted in Health

40 Hours Later

I went in on Thursday at 2:30 to get Betamethasone injected into my SI Joints. If I could have anything negative to say about going into it, it would be the lack of specific information I had. I didn’t know where I was getting the shots–was it two shots in the actually joints? Was it one shot into my spine and the meds would travel down? I didn’t know that I would experience several DAYS of bad discomfort/actual pain in the injection sites and hips, and that even though I was technically allowed to drive afterward because I hadn’t been sedated, the injection sites were so sore that I drove scootched up away from the seat back and that was really uncomfortable and probably a little dangerous. I didn’t know that I was going to be on restricted activity for five whole days afterwards. So, yeah, a little information going into would have set up much more realistic expectations.

I’m sitting at my desk right now, which I haven’t done much of since I had the procedure. Not sure if it’s going to be ok today, or will get worse and I’ll be laying on the couch again with ice packs on my hips like yesterday. Before this, I haven’t had a lick of trouble with my hips, so it was a little weird that that is how my body decided to get back at me. I couldn’t lay on them. I couldn’t sit up for long periods. Sleeping the first night was, well, an exercise in waking up and rolling over very carefully.

The procedure itself involved a shallow shot into my skin of lidocaine, followed by a deeper shot of lidocaine. Both BURNED and HURT a lot. Then, within a minute or two, the doctor did the actual injections of the betamethasone, which is a steroid, into both of my SI joints–sort of 2 1/2 inches down from the top of my pants and about an inch on each side away from the middle of my body. The goal, as far as I understand it, is to calm down the inflammation in my joints, get some good pain-control going on, and then have me start back to PT and regular life again.

40 hours ago I was not a happy camper. The shots, quite frankly, hurt A LOT. I wanted someone to hold my hand–yes, really–and a nurse rubbed my arm. Having my 49 year old bottom out in front of two male doctors, well, let’s just say I’m glad I’ve had kids because that made it easier. Svelte I’m not. I sat in a recovery seat for about 30 minutes, eating cheese and peanut butter crackers and diet ginger ale (hands down, my all time favorite thing to drink, so at least that helped). The nurses were great and explained all the after effects stuff. Leaving the surgery center, I never wanted to do it again.

40 hours later, and after a decent night of sleep, I woke up and was able to fairly comfortably put on a pair of socks. Coming down to the kitchen–with no pain in my hips as I walked down the stairs–I saw a bowl on the floor and picked it up. Without pain or stiffness. That was AMAZING. That hasn’t happened in over a year. So, at this point, I’m cautiously optimistic about what the day holds. They saw 24-36 hours of needing ice, which ended a few hours ago.  They said to expect pain relief to start between 3 and 5 days. I think I’m starting now.

Here’s hoping for good results!

Posted in Me

For Today

FOR TODAY April 14, 2018

Outside my window… Spring is finally here! Green grass, open windows (for today) and sunshine! 70s!

I am thinking… Too much. Too many details about health and school and college and TOO MUCH

I am thankful… that I have such a wonderful husband.

In the kitchen… Dinner tonight is sloppy joes. Which ½ of the family will eat and the other half will turn their noses up at. Whatever!

I am wearing… Pajamas. I had a rotten night of sleep and got up late. I’ll change into proper clothes soon.

I am creating… profiles on scholarship sites for Bennett and Laura. A friend warned me that scholarship searching is a part time job in itself. I’m starting to agree.

I am going… to our storage shed today to grab any breakables before we clean it out next weekend.

I am wondering… how awful the shots in my SI joints are going to be.

I am reading… Better Than New by Nicole Curtis (Rehab Addict)

I am hoping… to successfully get through the next 8 weeks of school with the kids.

I am looking forward to… seeing Avengers Infinity War in May.

I am hearing…Birdsong through the open windows. It’s a lovely sound!

Around the house… We organized the master bedroom closet finally. That looks great now. I just need to buy a shoe rack thingy so the shoes aren’t cluttering up the floor. And I think we might need to get a new dishwasher, but I haven’t broken the news to Jim yet.

I am pondering… all the changes that will happen in the next 1.5 years. And it makes me a little sick to my stomach and more than a little sad. How in the world did I get to have Juniors?

One of my favorite things… Bags of hard boiled eggs. Seriously! 10 eggs, hard boiled and no shells. So easy to grab for a quick snack or sandwich. We go through about 2 bags a week of them!

A few plans for the rest of the week… Small storage unit run today (and Catie working), church tomorrow, Monday coffee with a friend, Tuesday breakfast with old co-workers from when I was in college, spine injection on Thursday and emptying out the storage unit next Sunday.