Posted in Addiction, House

No News is No News

Things are just as they were. The perc test is next Mon/Tues, so there’s literally nothing going on right now. Oh, funny, the sellers asked if they put money in escrow for the septic if we could do settlement earlier. Oh, how I wish that was an option, but the mortgage company will not give us a mortgage without a working septic. So, yay, we are all stuck.

All the “up in the air” is making my addiction flare. I HATE this. I hate the feeling of utter powerlessness and the not knowing anything of when we will make settlement. Some days I want to run shrieking from this apartment and just curl up in a quiet space ALONE. I miss SLEEPING. I miss having a space to myself. I miss having a place that’s OURS, that we can know if the dog makes a mess on the carpet it won’t jeopardize our whatever-it’s-called-that-you-give-the-apartment-complex-in-case-something-bad- happens fund.

So, yeah, addiction. I’m feeling all the feels and overwhelmed and my brain DOES NOT LIKE THIS, NO IT DOES NOT. I hate that I still go to it for my security blanket, but there it is. I emailed my accountability partner and am trying to be honest with both her and myself, so hopefully, hopefully, things will even out a bit.

All that to say, things are just as they were and I wish things were different.

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