Glennon Doyle, over at Momastery, is doing a series on Sacred Scared…being completely honest about what we are really scared about.
That’s scary in and of itself.
But here goes: I’m scared that I’m a bad mother. Oh, not in the sense that I hurt my kids or am mean to them or neglect them or that kind of stuff. No, I mean I’m bad at being a good mom to Ethan specifically: helping him become a independent human being. Including him. Teaching him the things of life because, honestly? It’s just kind of HARD.
I’ve been doing a fair amount of soul searching lately with regards to him. Having crying jags. Feeling helpless and oh, so incredibly alone with this. I don’t have much of a support system with Ethan. I have one mom that I see every few months and we talk and talk and then don’t see each other again for a few more months.
I want to be better. I want to be that kind of mom that is just excellent with her special needs kid, doesn’t baby him and helps him become independent. Oh, and has endless patience. I’m not there, though. I’m just NOT. And I’m not sure how to get from “I want to be” to “I am”.