Posted in Addiction

How I Handle Stress (or Don’t)

Poorly. Seriously poorly.

this year we went to Lake Michigan. 12 hour drive Day 1, 3.5 hour drive + 2.5 hour ferry Day 2. With four kids, one of whom threw up more than a dozen times (and I’m not exaggerating for good reading) the first day.

Before all that happened, I knew it was going to be a long trip. I had a lot of packing, a LOT of preparation. I was nervous (VERY nervous) as to how Ethan would 1) handle the trip there and 2) handle the vacation because a) no live TV b) no internet c) not a whole lot of live non-country music.

How do I handle uncertainty?

I don’t. I medicate it with stuff I shouldn’t be reading.

After Michigan (which was good, although Ethan was frequently bored), we got home and immediately I had to jump into back-to-school and birthday stuff (triplets turn 12 (!) on the 25th).

This year we are doing cyber school for two of the triplets. This is a very big unknown. A very big, huge uncertainty in my life.

How do I handle uncertainty?

I don’t. I medicate it with stuff I shouldn’t be reading.

Up until July or so, my addiction was pretty much on the back burner. Little twinges here and there, but nothing I really needed to worry that much about.

Now. Hah.

I emailed my accountability partner this morning, from the depths of sheer obedience. “Fell off the wagon” was all it said. I removed the books–while wincing–from my Kindle program. I reminded God (as if he needed reminding) that I am powerless over the fact that I have this and completely need His help to make the right choice. That I HATE WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING that this exists in the first place and that I give into it in the second.

All the while knowing that I could just as easily fall back down again tomorrow.

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