Why Didn’t Anyone Ever Tell Me?

So. Wow. ::breath blown strongly at bangs::

I have a sucky thing ahead of me.

For about 1 and 1/2 months I have daily gone to the mailbox to check for two letters from PA Leadership Charter School’s Center for Performing and Fine Arts. Every day. And every day I was disappointed. Until today. Today there was a letter.

I sat for a moment in my van, heart pounding. Bennett’s name was on the front, but I’m the mother so I get to open whatever I want.

“Thank you so much, but we regret….” and the pounding heart fell into the shoes. No, lower. Below the van.

I have to somehow break it to my son that he didn’t get in. We don’t know yet about Laura. Can you imagine if SHE gets in? How that’s going to make him feel???

Yeah, that’s where I’ve been for the past hour or so. I was actually grateful when I came home to find him over a friend’s house swimming and having fun. So I can have more time to figure out what to say and how to cope with the fallout. I mean, on the one hand he could surprise me. He could be fine. We’ll definitely be getting him guitar lessons at least to “replace” what he would have gotten at CPFA.

But on the other hand this could kind of crush him. Bennett is definitely the crushable kind of sensitive kid.

God gave him to me to challenge me and make me grow because I am NOT sensitive–I am the kind of person who suffers endlessly with foot-in-mouth disease.

So, yeah. Sucky thing ahead of me.

No one told me that when they could be disappointed that I would hurt too.