So two blogs I read on a regular basis have recently gone through a crisis in their marriage. Dooce and her husband have opted for divorce after 10 years of marriage and two girls. Can I admit that I’m really kind of disappointed they gave up? Not that I have ever met this woman or her family. Not that I have any personal stake in this. But any time a marriage breaks up–even for “good” reasons, it’s still saddens me. Because it started out with hope and love.
Most marriages start out with the idea that this is going to be forever. Until Death Parts Us. And having seen two marriages recently end that way, both leaving women behind as widows, gives me new understanding of that.
On the other end of the spectrum, Momastery and her husband have opted to work on it. They have three young children. She has chosen to talk a little bit about their struggles–although leaving the private things private–which I think is wonderful. For every seemingly perfect marriage is another one faltering and in need of propping up. Being open and honest about struggles is great, especially if you can encourage someone walking a similar road.
We had counseling BEFORE we got married to work on some areas (including my addiction) so we could start marriage well. After the children were born things went downhill. Once they were out of danger (maybe about 2 years old) we went back to work on things. Both of us had forgotten how to be kind–we had just gotten to the point where we barked orders and didn’t treat each other well. It was BAD. But counseling, as well as our own dogged determination that we were going to be “til death do us part” helped us get back to that good marriage we wanted.
I mourn for Dooce and her marriage, and I hope and pray for Momastery and hers.