Back in January, a friend and fellow blogger challenged me (ok, all her readers) to come up with a word for the year. After careful consideration, I chose Identity. I really felt like that was something I was going to be dealing with this year. And boy howdy, has it ever!
One of the blogs I follow (of the many!) is a young woman who talks about sex addiction. She posted recently about recovery and the process, but the part I want you to look at is the comment section. She and I go back and forth about what we really are. She contends that she is no longer a sex addict–that part of the healing she has gone through is no longer having an addiction, just a weakness towards.
I can’t speak for her–that may be true. But for myself, well, I just don’t buy it. I have a weakness towards chocolate. I have a weakness towards being selfish and self-absorbed. I have a weakness towards yelling. Pornography goes a tiny bit farther than that in my life. Without careful parameters and accountability, it would most likely still be in control.
I’ve been turning what she said over in my mind, trying to think about myself in a way that doesn’t involve sex addiction. You know what? It doesn’t compute. It’s like playing a game of let’s pretend, but at some point the games ends and it’s back to reality.
Celebrate Recovery’s people would say “I’m a follower of Jesus who struggles with sex addiction.” Now THAT I can say. It allows Jesus to define me instead of the addiction.
So that’s where I am right now, re-identifying myself (in my head at least!) by Jesus instead of addiction. Since I don’t talk about this much In Real Life, it’s not going to be noticeable, but it is to me, and you my faithful readers.
Thank you, faithful readers, for walking this journey with me. You’d think after almost 18 years with this I’d have a better handle on it. Nope!