Posted in Health, Me, Vacation

Bathing Suit Shopping, or…My Day in Hell

Let’s start this off with some honesty.

I am short. What fashion people call petite. 5′ 1 1/2″.

I am ample of bosom. 36 F . What bra companies call 36DDD (for some unknown reason)

Due to many reasons, I am overweight. I do not currently know my weight because I lack the intestinal fortitude to get on the scale.

I am unable to fit in last year’s bathing suit because I have gained weight. I figured I would just buy a new bottom for my tankini and be good, but then this morning I tried on my top and, well, was NOT good. I got a pair of board shorts yesterday that fit, so that’s good. I tried to buy a top at WalMart yesterday. NOT GOOD. L/XL did not fit.

So I figured, go to Landsend.com and see what they have. And amazingly, they have bathing suits by cup size, as in DDD!

Except the four tankinis that came that way were on backorder in my size. And none would ship before we left for Disney IN TEN DAYS.

Enter Google. “Tankini Top 36DDD” “Tankini Top 36F”

No, thank you, I don’t want to dress like a streetwalker. Maybe if I was built like the models I might, but I’m built like me and it would not be attractive. Thankyouverymuch.

Oooh! There’s a pretty one! And it’s “only” $54.99 (by far the cheapest one!). I call the 1800 number of the company and hear a funny double ring and the voice who answers is clearly British. Um, where are you? England? Really? How long would it take for this to get to me? 5 to 8 business days? As in, maybe not before I left for Disney IN TEN DAYS!? Oh, thank you anyway.

Sigh. Look some more. Notice that for some reason, many, many companies that offer tankinis in my size are in England. Are English women more amply endowed than American women?

Finally give up. Take Laura to her hair appointment and run next door to the Fashion Bug. Nice young (YOUNG) woman is taller but built like I am. We pick out four tops–Whoa. That’s some cleavage! No thank you, no thank you, no thank you, and no thank you. Try a 16W. Close, but not yet. Try and 18W.

We have lift off! Better yet, we have something that fits, COVERS things and looks decent. It’s still $44.99, which is horrifying, but hey, I GOT IT BEFORE DISNEY!

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One thought on “Bathing Suit Shopping, or…My Day in Hell

  1. We ordered on line for Amanda and it took 3 weeks…from China, I believe. I need a new suit also and I don’t want cleavage! I will try the fashion bug. Thanks. Have a great trip!

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