Posted in Me

Sunday Scattered Thoughts

I miss having a close woman friend.

Catie has been so amazingly disobedient lately. She’s had many, MANY things taken from her and it doesn’t seem to matter.

Someone told me yesterday that I was an amazing mom and my children were angelic. Both statements drew a “Yeah, right!” comment from me.

The night with three of the four gone was easier than I thought it might be. They had fun and were in a safe environment. Jim, Ethan and I spent the evening with his mom, helping out in a difficult situation. Which would have been much more difficult with the rest of the kids in the mix.

My children wanted to know what “scratch” meant. When I questioned them on the usage of it, they meant in the “to bake from scratch”. Which tells you just how often I do it. I made snickerdoodles from scratch. They have never–LITERALLY NEVER–seen me bake anything starting with raw ingredients. Box mixes and break’n’bake cookies are my dear friends and I don’t want to hurt their feelings.

I had all the great intentions in the world to make it prayer meeting tonight and then looked at the clock and it was already over. Sigh.

Jim was sick today so I led worship. 1/2 way through the first second song we lost power (big storm). No electric piano. No powerpoint overheads. No electric bass. (Jim home sick so no guitar). No electric drums. Just, thank goodness, an acoustic mandolin. Acapella and mandolin for the rest of the 2nd song and the first verse of the 3rd song and hello power!

I’m not sure, but I might be losing my Accountability Partner. She’s going back to school and working full time, as well as being a wife and mom. I don’t know that that will leave enough time to support me. This troubles me on several levels, not the least of which is, I have to find someone that I trust to tell, ask them to make the time and emotional investment in me. My addiction is not something I share lightly. Ever.

I’ve been watching Ruby on I think Entertainment TV. A woman is going through the weight loss process (she just hit 333 on today’s episode) and is going through such a similar emotional time as I did when I started addiction recovery 15 years ago. I cry through some of the episodes–especially today–because I can so empathize with her emotions and struggles. Not the weight thing, no, but the emotions involved with putting off an old you and getting to know a new you, and how incredibly hard that is.

Four weeks until Bennett, Laura and Catie start school. Five weeks for Ethan. Three third graders and one first grader. We’ll get the room and teacher assignments in the next few weeks, along with welcome letters and ridiculous lists of things we have to buy. I have some things, but have held off on others just waiting for those lists, because each teacher is different.

We’re having some new friends from church over on Sunday for a cookout lunch. This will force me to stay on top of keeping the house clean this week. That’s a good thing, as Martha would say.

The above was all the stuff floating around in my head tonight. Thanks for letting me get it out.


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