Bathing Suit Shopping, or…My Day in Hell

Let’s start this off with some honesty.

I am short. What fashion people call petite. 5′ 1 1/2″.

I am ample of bosom. 36 F . What bra companies call 36DDD (for some unknown reason)

Due to many reasons, I am overweight. I do not currently know my weight because I lack the intestinal fortitude to get on the scale.

I am unable to fit in last year’s bathing suit because I have gained weight. I figured I would just buy a new bottom for my tankini and be good, but then this morning I tried on my top and, well, was NOT good. I got a pair of board shorts yesterday that fit, so that’s good. I tried to buy a top at WalMart yesterday. NOT GOOD. L/XL did not fit.

So I figured, go to Landsend.com and see what they have. And amazingly, they have bathing suits by cup size, as in DDD!

Except the four tankinis that came that way were on backorder in my size. And none would ship before we left for Disney IN TEN DAYS.

Enter Google. “Tankini Top 36DDD” “Tankini Top 36F”

No, thank you, I don’t want to dress like a streetwalker. Maybe if I was built like the models I might, but I’m built like me and it would not be attractive. Thankyouverymuch.

Oooh! There’s a pretty one! And it’s “only” $54.99 (by far the cheapest one!). I call the 1800 number of the company and hear a funny double ring and the voice who answers is clearly British. Um, where are you? England? Really? How long would it take for this to get to me? 5 to 8 business days? As in, maybe not before I left for Disney IN TEN DAYS!? Oh, thank you anyway.

Sigh. Look some more. Notice that for some reason, many, many companies that offer tankinis in my size are in England. Are English women more amply endowed than American women?

Finally give up. Take Laura to her hair appointment and run next door to the Fashion Bug. Nice young (YOUNG) woman is taller but built like I am. We pick out four tops–Whoa. That’s some cleavage! No thank you, no thank you, no thank you, and no thank you. Try a 16W. Close, but not yet. Try and 18W.

We have lift off! Better yet, we have something that fits, COVERS things and looks decent. It’s still $44.99, which is horrifying, but hey, I GOT IT BEFORE DISNEY!

The Light is Bright

when you are on the other side of the tunnel, that is.

After 9 weeks I’m back to being a stay at home mom. Here’s what I learned from the experience:

1. I am not wired to work outside the house all day and then come home and manage to keep up with everything that needs to be done. Laundry, cooking and the occasional clearing-off-the-counters happened. Oh, and I cleaned the toilets once or twice.

2. If I am cheery at work with nice adults, I have a much more difficult time being cheery at home with children who are not so nice. It’s like I have only a certain amount of cheeriness and then it gets used up. And since I’m not going to be grouchy around adults, my family will bear the brunt of it. I didn’t know this about myself.

3. Seeing the house pile up and not having the energy to deal with it made me rather excited about the idea of being finally home to deal with it.

4. I made a better wife than Jim does. Go figure!

5. I look forward, after the children are grown, to rejoining the workforce. I actually like working in an office. I enjoy being administrative help, although I certainly like professional organizing’s pay better! I got many kudos and thank you’s from the people I worked with/for, which was really, pretty darn nice. Families don’t, normally, do that. Jim calls them “attaboys”. They make life a little nicer!

So, all that said, I’m very glad to be at home again. I have a HUGE paperwork pile to tackle, which includes some very important, time-sensitive insurance re-enrollment stuff. I’m happy to finally have the time and energy to do this.

Oh, and one more thing–5 WEEKS UNTIL DISNEY WORLD!!

Bear With Me

So I’ve been working for a week. I mean, working for PAY. In an OFFICE. NOT ORGANIZING.

Rewind life 11 years ago, pre-children, and life was somewhat similar. Except now I have four children who wear a heck of a lot of laundry and a husband who works sometimes-utterly-insane-amounts of hours and can’t pitch in with the house stuff a whole lot. Or at all. Which explains why not only is my dishwasher full of dirty dishes, but so is my sink.  There are no clean spoons. Or mugs. Or, apparently, socks or my elder daughter, because laundry has also fallen by the wayside.

How do you working moms DO IT??

I leave the house the instant my kids leave for the bus stop (8:45) and come home at 3:20, in time for Ethan’s bus. All that stuff that used to get done in the intervening hours now has to happen before bedtime. And it’s just not. We still have elder/deacon meetings, karate, variety show practice, good news club, science fairs….and all of THAT has to happen before bedtime as well!

Again, how do you working moms DO IT?? Do you just give up getting enough sleep? Because I’ve done that when the kids were little and managed to survive it, but I did not have to interact in a coherent manner on the phone in a professional atmosphere.

So, all that said, this blog is definitely going to be taking a backseat. The instant I press “publish” I’m going to finish filling that dishwasher and clear off the kitchen counter. I hope. Then pick up the kids and make sure they do their homework. And then do laundry so I have something to wear to work tomorrow. Then fix dinner. And put the kids to bed.  And then hopefully see my husband (who worked 73 hours last week–13 of those on Sunday alone!)

I’ll miss you. And I hope that you’ll be with me when April rolls around and my temp job ends.

New Year, New Me?

All over Facebook people are making resolutions–lose weight, get organized, clean, be a better parent, eat better…you name it, they want to change it. And I’m not trying to imply that’s a bad thing. Change can be a very good thing. Yes, you heard me say that!

I haven’t jumped in to the conversations yet because I’m not sure where I want to go. I have a lot of things about me that I’d like to improve– my weight, consistent organization of my desk, consistent quiet times, eating better, working out….all very good things. I would like to think that this time next year I’ll be a little different–changed by my life experiences of the upcoming 366 days (leap year!).

2011 was certainly a difficult year for us as a family. Work and lack thereof, money and lack thereof, trust and lack thereof–it showed me I have some definite areas of needed growth. In 2010, before Jim quit, I definitely considered myself a “giver”–I loved to give financially to those in need. When he quit and things took quite  a turn for the worse, I found myself concerned–CONSTANTLY CONCERNED–that there would be enough. And other than our usual ministries that we give to, I didn’t give more. Even though Jim has had a good contract since August and will at least through April. I want to get past that worried mindset and get back to the giving mindset. I liked that person. Giving financially. Giving time. Sharing ME.

So maybe that will be my 2012 new year’s resolution. To give as God would want me. Not more. Not less. But what He calls me to, I will give.

For Today

FOR TODAY November 28, 2011

Outside my window…Unseasonably warm and sunny.

I am thinking…about scheduling Laura’s MRI

I am thankful… that I haven’t caught the virus. Yet.

In the kitchen…tonight is a rotisserie chicken per my husband’s request. Also a LOT of leftover turkey. TOO MUCH.

I am wearing… black shirt with Braille on it, great jeans and black clogs.

I am creating… a menu for the week and a grocery list.

I am going… to the grocery store and then Ethan’s dentist appointment.

I am wondering… when Intuit is going to fix the bugs in their system when it talks to my bank. It’s been almost 2 months and I’m getting annoyed.

I am reading… At Home In Mitford by Jan Karon. Re-reading, actually, for about the dozenth time.

I am hoping… that my husband gets over this virus soon. And that the MRI finds out what’s wrong with Laura.

I am looking forward to… the Christmas season and all the fun it has.

I am hearing…the Mickey Mouse club in the Playroom. Ethan’s home today and listening to it. Otherwise it’s been all Christmas music all the time.

Around the house… my desk is, yet again, a complete disaster zone!

I am pondering… what time I’ll actually sit down and work on my bible study that we’re doing tomorrow.

One of my favorite things… the sunshine streaming through the front door.

A few plans for the rest of the week… women’s Bible study tomorrow, hopefully an MRI for Laura (although it might be next week instead), putting up the tree and decorating the house, Christmas shopping online.

 

Thanks, Jen, for this idea!

Midpoint

A few posts ago I talked about the kids all leaving the nest at the same time. It’s been on my mind of late and I wanted to post some more.

10 years ago we had three children living at the Christiana Hospital’s NICU. One was in heaven and one wasn’t even a gleam in her daddy’s eye yet.

10 years from now, Lord Willing, the last one will be a Freshman in college, following in her big brothers’ and sister’s footsteps.

10 years ago I was just trying to figure out what motherhood was all about and was terrified about the idea of bringing them home and being responsible for their daily well-being.

10 years from now I will be trying to figure out what my life will be like when I am not defined by the term “mother”. That job will be mostly done. I’m sure they’ll visit. One or two may even live at home and commute to college. But the active parenting–the daily instruction and teaching and bringing up into adulthood–that will be largely over and they will be making their own choices (and living with the consequences!).

10 years ago Jim and I were only married six years and were feeling our way into Mommy and Daddy instead of just husband and wife.

10 years from now we’ll be rediscovering each other, I think, and figuring out what the rest of our lives will look like.

10 years ago I retired from full time work to be a full time stay at home mother.

10 years from now I expect to fully return to the workforce. In what capacity, I don’t know. I’ll be in my early to mid 50′s. The physical nature of being a professional organizer is not something I see being able to do for the rest of my life, although I enjoy it thoroughly. I think I might want to be a secretary/administrative assistant again. I enjoyed doing it when I worked. I think I might enjoy it again. I’m glad I have time to think about it!

10 years ago I was learning to open up and let my children into my heart and life.

10 years from now I will be learning to let go.

It’s an interesting view from the midpoint!

I Think I Hit Middle Age

Yesterday our church had an “old fashioned Sunday School picnic”. Food, sack races, tug’o'war, peanut something or other (search? find?), pin the shoe on Pastor Nate (his picture, actually)…a good time was had by all. Jim and I led worship and got all our equipment set up and taken down.

We came home and took naps. Seriously. We walked in the door, I made sure the perishable stuff was dealt  with, I used the bathroom and wham–I fell asleep on the couch. And still slept fine last night.

The average female lifespan in America is (according to google) 78.7. At almost 43, I’m definitely past the half-way mark if one is being specific. (although I can definitely handle 86 if I’m healthy and of sound mind and still have Jim). So middle age, yeah. I think I’m there.

Quiet Time Conviction

Way back when in January of 2010 I started a personal bible study on 1 Peter, Putting On a Gentle and Quiet Spirit.

Stop laughing. I’m serious.

Yeah, I get the irony. I’m rather the opposite of gentle and quietly spiritual. Which is exactly why I picked it.

Fast forward, um, almost a year and a half. (I’m nothing if not NOT regular.) I Peter 2:21-25. The book I’m doing has you read the passage, answer questions about the passage, and then “Your Heart’s Answer.” Sometimes it’s, well, dull. Not this time.

- We know that Jesus committed no sin. To follow in His steps, what known sins will you eliminate from your life? Pornography. Almost three months and counting, people.

- We know that Jesus spoke no sin. What steps will you take to control your speech? Count to 10 before I yell.

Um, notsomuch. I SCREAMED at Laura this morning. At the top of my lungs. How can one 9 year old make me lose it so quickly?

Both Jim and I agree it’s been much more difficult lately with the kids….they are definitely challenging the boundaries and our patience with things. It’s a constant struggle to keep my temper (and I lose it more quickly with them to begin with).

This Your Heart’s Answer has really been pounding at me all week. Sometimes I’ve done better because of it. Sometimes, like this morning, utter failure.

Tomorrow will hopefully (and prayerfully) be one of those better days. (Unless we’re raptured, and then all will be well anyway) (sorry, I just had to put that out there!)

Upgrading

Now, everyone knows without a doubt that I hate change. HATE IT.

So how am I doing now that my husband has upgraded my computer from Win XP to Windows 7, from Firefox 3 to Firefox 4, from MS Office 2003 to MS Office 2010?

Ugh. I can’t find ANYTHING. And my Roboform, which is an amazing Add-on that remembers passwords and personal information (name/address/etc) , isn’t working so I’m having to type everything by hand.

Want a little cheese with that whine?

I’ll survive. By June 2nd (a month), things will have smoothed out. Right? But right now I don’t even have Solitaire in my taskbar! ACK!

The State of the Blogger

Hey People. I’ve missed you all! I know it’s my own fault, but sometimes, ok, many times I’ve passed by here not knowing what to post. Not wanting to just put down words for the sake of just having a post. That’s disrespectful of you and your time. I haven’t had any excellent recipes lately. No massive spiritual insight. Jim’s still working, thank the Good Lord. We’re still afloat. The kids are reasonably healthy, having a small stomach bug and a cavity. I have a new client starting on Saturday.

There. That’s the last two and a half weeks. Aren’t you edified?

One thing of note, I guess. As of tomorrow I will have 9 weeks of sobriety. That’s a satisfying number. I emailed the elder board and our pastor and asked to resume my deacon duties if they approve.

Our church is going through it’s “re-launch”. It’s been challenging with a different format, changing the way we worship, meeting expectations etc. But it’s also been nice to see visitors in the pews and someone, GASP, raising a hand during worship time.

You know, for YEARS I didn’t use my musical gift. I sat with the congregation, whether by my choice or someone else’s, and soaked up and enjoyed. On the one hand, there are times that I miss that–being able to get lost in worship. But on the other hand, being able to actually USE my voice and my piano playing for God’s glory is amazing. Now, the piano ain’t nearly as good as the voice, but it’s decent enough. My wish each week is that I don’t get in the way of the congregation worshipping.  I don’t want them to focus–for good or for bad (i.e. “wow, she has a great voice!” or “wow, she really messed that up” or “boy, I wish we could have someone else up there!”).

I know some of you help lead worship. Are you able to worship at the same time?