My Life, New and Improved

So I’m up at the Hershey Feeding Clinic this week with Ethan. I leave the house at 7:10 in the morning and come home somewhere between 5:30 and 6:00 depending on the status of accidents and traffic lights. Oh, and how fast I speed on Rte 283.  Shhhh!

In between arriving and leaving my day is made up of 15 minute sessions with Ethan’s feeding therapist and then 30 minute breaks. Except for lunch, which is a longer break. I talk to the other mom and her son, I help Ethan put in videotapes, I get out and put away toys, I read a book and I read magazines.

Lots of magazines.

My mom dropped off 6? 7? magazines last month. Normally I flip through and then throw out pretty quickly. Instead those puppies sat on a speaker for weeks, just waiting for Hershey. Ladies Home Journal, Real Simple, Good Housekeeping…all women’s magazines chock full of recipes, quick tips on cleaning, fashion ideas and, oh, ways to improve yourself, your life, your home, your amount of clutter and your marriage.

Some of them have actually resonated with me. I look at the desk I’m sitting at, which once again just mocks me with the piles and papers and who-knows-what-in-the-world-is-actually-under-there?, and feel the urge to tackle it once again.

I hear my husband hint that maybe marriage counseling might not be a bad idea and wonder which of the wise suggestions about improving my marital relationship I should listen to. And put into practice.

The one thing I’ve noticed, though, is that I get all this inspiration 50 miles and over an hour from home. Once home, it’s very easy to slide back into the old routine. Which obviously, isn’t working so well. Maybe instead of just reading, I should take some notes. And talk it over with my husband.

14 Years Ago

14 years ago I stood before my family and friends and pledged to be faithful to one man. He did the same. So far, so good.

Happy Anniversary, Honey. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

Sad

Jim and I just finished watching Jon and Kate Plus 8 where they talk about getting divorced.

I can’t sit on my sofa and point fingers. I can and have been praying, though, that their hearts would change, that God would save their marriage. They put such an emphasis on the children; all that should go into each other and the marriage.

It makes me very grateful that four or so years ago Jim and I went to marriage counseling and WORKED on things so we didn’t end up the same way.

Respect

Dipping my toe in the Jon and Kate arena, for a brief moment…

If you’ve read any of the magazine covers while you’re stuck in the grocery line, or seen headlines on the internet, or have followed the show and its buzz, you know that something is fishy in Jon and Kate’s marriage. What may or may not have happened, I truly believe is between them and God. I’ve prayed for them, and will continue to do so. And I’m not going to point fingers–for the most part. But one thing I really, REALLY want to come out and say.

She does not honor her husband in front of others.

Lo, these many years ago, when Jim and I were broken up and I was going through intensive counseling for addiction, one of the items that my counselor and I covered was something somewhat ancillary to the addiction. Men and Women Relating and all that that entails. One of the things she drove home the importance of was honoring my husband (at that point I was hopeful it might actually be Jim) of course in the home, but especially outside of it. To NEVER, EVER, EVER tear him down in public.

I’m not perfect–not by a country mile–but I work really hard at this one. And it’s work. Whenever women get together, it seems to be a natural thing to just pound ones’ husband into the ground. He doesn’t do this, he does do that, he doesn’t help out enough, he’s a jerk, he’s thoughtless, etc, ad infinitum. I don’t get it. You married this person. You love this person. Why do you talk about him that way? Is that really the opinion you want me to have of them?

Kate has done this way too often. She doesn’t honor her husband on camera (and one must assume she acts the same in private). That has to be hard for him.

I hope they can get some marriage counseling and heal this rift. I hope they can start treating each other the right way. I hope they stay together. For the kids as well as for themselves.

Our Love Story

Apparently, it’s Love Story Month. Why now and not February, I don’t know, but I’m more than willing to join the crowd. For a really neat, international story, check out One Thing.

So, the year was 1985. Or so. We’re not exactly sure, but we think we were sophmores. Yes, Jim and I went to high school together. Here, at West Chester East High School:

I was dating his friend, Mark. Mark decided to play a practical joke on me and hung a jock strap in my locker. It was Jim’s. He says it was clean, but did I know that? NO! Of course, I was rather freaked out. To get him back, I had a teacher help me break into Jim’s locker (This WAS the 80′s!). I hung….well, let’s just say a feminine article, in his locker. And apparently, according to him, put lots of notes in his jean jacket. After wearing it. I don’t remember that part, but he has a better memory than I do. Here he is in his oh, so stylish 80′s sweatshirt.

Time Passed. Mark and I broke up. Jim and I ended up in a class together Senior year. 1987. I flirted. He had a girlfriend. But he paid attention anyway. Cuz I was cute.

Time Passed. We started college. I went to the local West Chester University. He went to the also-local Penn State University. All of our friends went to other colleges. Propinquity ensued. Either he had a girlfriend or I had a boyfriend. Until, finally, neither one of us had anyone and really noticed each other.

November 1991. We start to date.
Sept 1992, for reasons many and varied and none very nice, we broke up.
Late Winter (early) 1993 We date. And break up again.
Late 1993, We date. And get engaged. And break up. Completely stop seeing each other June 1994.

Nine months pass. I go and see a wonderful counselor about the already mentioned addiction.
He talks to the same counselor about other things, although I’m SURE my addiction came up!

March 12, 1995. We start dating. It’s a little different this time around.
Memorial Day weekend. We get engaged.
October 7, 1995. We get married. Amazing how things work well when you do things in a HEALTHY way!

Happy Anniversary Honey! I love you and would marry you again in a heartbeat!

Marriage Who Meme

Yes, more useless information about yours truly. I’m having a hard time being creative!

1. Who is your man? “Sexy Boy” Jim!
2. How long have you been together? Met 25 years ago, married 13 in two weeks.
3. How long did you date before you got married? 4 years off and on.
4. How old is your man? 39
5. Who eats more? Jim, unless it’s vegetables.
6. Who said “I love you” first? Me.
7. Who is taller? I’m 5′ 1 1/2″. He’s 6′ 2″.
8. Who sings better? Am I being immodest by saying me? Sorry, hon!
9. Who is smarter? Jim. But not by much! But I’m a better speller!!
10. Whose temper is worse? ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME
11. Who does the laundry? Me. 98% of the time.
12. Who takes out the garbage? Him. 95% of the time
13. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Looking down at the bed, him.
14. Who pays the bills? Me.
15. Who is better with the computer? Um, he’s an IT guy!!
16. Who mows the lawn? Him, with the honkin’ huge Gravely mower that I’m too little to use!
17. Who cooks dinner? Me. Definitely me. Jim can cook hot dogs or eggs.
18. Who drives when you are together? Pretty evenly split, although if we are on a DATE, I want him to drive. And open the door for me. Cuz I’m a princes that way.
19. Who pays when you go out? Usually him, but I would.
20. Who is the most stubborn? Me again.
21. Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? I think we’re pretty even on this.
22. Whose parents do you see most? We see Jim’s mom the most.
23. Who kissed who first? He kissed me first, but I drove him to it!
24. Who asked who out? That’s hard. We were best friends first, and it kind of morphed into more gradually.
25. Who proposed? He did.
26. Who is most sensitive? Don’t know that either of us is, unless it’s me with PMS
27. Who has the most friends? We both have few.
28. Who has more siblings? I have two and he has one.
29. Who wears the pants in the family? I try to let Jim. TRY. Sometimes I fail and am in charge–to the general detriment of everyone.
30. How did you meet? East High School. I was dating his friend Mark. We graduated and both ended up living at home to go to local colleges.

Adjusting

Wow, this has actually been a fairly hard weekend. Jim and I are fighting a lot–just little piddly things that are getting on each other’s nerves. He’s sick and worked 80 hours this past week. it’s hard to give sympathy when I told him to quit more than three years ago.

I hope next weekend is an easier adjustment to living together again!

Date

Jim and I got out alone today. It was SO NICE to just be “Us”. We had a great lunch in Lancaster County, did some shopping, had some nice hot apple cider, shopped some more, and went home. The kids were not that thrilled to see us–they wanted to have the babysitter, Molly, stay longer. Don’t I feel LOVED?!

Happy Birthday to my MIL!

We’re having my MIL’s birthday party tomorrow. Is the house ready? Not so much. Will it be by tomorrow? Probably. If it isn’t I’m not going to panic, anyway.

Hey, ONE HOUR until the kids go to bed. YES!! I LOVE BEDTIME. Well, ok, let me amend that. I LOVE WHEN THEY FALL ASLEEP!!

Nov 14, 2007

Status Quo
Current mood: uncomfortable

Did you ever feel fed up with where you were? And yet, unable to break free from it? Or rather, unwilling? Embarrassingly unwilling.

I’ve been reading stuff lately. Books, quotes, blogs, the Bible. The Westminster shorter Catechism starts off with “The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.” When was the last time I enjoyed God? Glorify? I mean, I get it. My life it supposed to show the world what Jesus is like. So I follow the speed limit, don’t yell at the kids, submit to my husband instead of insisting on my own way. Is that Jesus? Ok, to some extent, yes. All those things are good things. Each of them, in their own way, has actually been a real struggle for me. But is it sacrifice? Do any of them make me really SQUIRM? Is Jesus sighing because I’m sorta getting it, but not really? I mean, is the world really different because I’m taking up room on it? Has anyone seen Jesus in me so much that it impacted their life? I mean, the one person I actually remember leading to God has since turned away and is living a life of sin.

Following God–TRULY following God is not easy. it’s downright uncomfortable and I don’t like feeling that way. Lukewarm-ness is the nice, easy way. Church, safe prayers for others, following the rules, but no inner change–now THAT’s the life I really want. It’s certainly the life I’ve been living. For so long I used the kids as an excuse. I didn’t have time. Then there was still the specter of all the unanswered questions and problems with prayer. God provided a terrific website for that. Then I read that author, Lisa Samson, and just don’t know what to do with the questions she asks. The things I’m feeling. I guilt about our lives. I KNOW my first responsibility is to my children. And I feel like only one out of the four really gets it. One, at this point, I don’t think is capable of getting it. But the other two??

And then there’s Jim. He seems to be coming around. But I still don’t feel like I can talk to him about God. Like, if he brings it up it’s ok, but I shouldn’t dare ask him for something more. like praying together. Or a bible study. Or anything that might enhance our marriage. Can you tell I’m upset? I’ve felt this way for 12 years now. I know Lauren U prayed for her husband to lead in their marriage for YEARS. Finally he did. I pray. Not a lot, but I pray.

And what about the money I got for my birthday? Is it wrong to go to a spa with it? Or should I give it away? Or WHAT? I need counseling. At least, I THINK I need counseling. There’s that “do it to glorify God” website that I checked out, and that totally irritated me b/c it seemed too simplistic. But IS it? Have I missed it so much? But what about the 12 steps? I don’t know. I really don’t. And I’m not going to do anything until God CLEARLY tells me what to do. Although today the word Glory kept popping up.

Oct 6, 2007

Happy Birthday Dad!
Current mood: tired

That would be my father, who is 76 today. Wow. And he and my mom have been married for 53 years. Whew! How awesome is that?

Tomorrow is my 12th anniversary. Go Me! Well, ok, Go Jim and Me! 12 years is definitely doing well! Tonight we are having dinner at the Dilworthtown Inn (www.dilworthtowninn.com). YUM! Their food and service are impeccable. Definitely worth the chunk of change you drop there–at least $100 not including tip.

Nana is going to watch the kids, thank goodness! Gotta love free babysitting. Plus, the kids adore her and will be good for her–not that they aren’t good for other babysitters. They are pretty much excellent for everyone else but us. Oh well!

I went to my third–and last–kids clothing sale this morning. I FINALLY found the dresses for Laura that I was looking for. Who knew that finding decent school dresses for a 6 yr old would be so difficult??

You know what? I’m pretty tired! I think I’m going to….oh wait, I have to clean up the bookcase that Ethan emptied and THEN I can lay down for a bit. Sometimes having a blind child stinks. (However, on a positive note, I LOVE HIS SCHOOL)