The State of the Blogger

Hey People. I’ve missed you all! I know it’s my own fault, but sometimes, ok, many times I’ve passed by here not knowing what to post. Not wanting to just put down words for the sake of just having a post. That’s disrespectful of you and your time. I haven’t had any excellent recipes lately. No massive spiritual insight. Jim’s still working, thank the Good Lord. We’re still afloat. The kids are reasonably healthy, having a small stomach bug and a cavity. I have a new client starting on Saturday.

There. That’s the last two and a half weeks. Aren’t you edified?

One thing of note, I guess. As of tomorrow I will have 9 weeks of sobriety. That’s a satisfying number. I emailed the elder board and our pastor and asked to resume my deacon duties if they approve.

Our church is going through it’s “re-launch”. It’s been challenging with a different format, changing the way we worship, meeting expectations etc. But it’s also been nice to see visitors in the pews and someone, GASP, raising a hand during worship time.

You know, for YEARS I didn’t use my musical gift. I sat with the congregation, whether by my choice or someone else’s, and soaked up and enjoyed. On the one hand, there are times that I miss that–being able to get lost in worship. But on the other hand, being able to actually USE my voice and my piano playing for God’s glory is amazing. Now, the piano ain’t nearly as good as the voice, but it’s decent enough. My wish each week is that I don’t get in the way of the congregation worshipping.  I don’t want them to focus–for good or for bad (i.e. “wow, she has a great voice!” or “wow, she really messed that up” or “boy, I wish we could have someone else up there!”).

I know some of you help lead worship. Are you able to worship at the same time?

7 Quick Takes Friday

1. Hello All from weather-confused PA! We’ve had sunny and 80′s and yesterday morning had snow. I admit to looking forward to late April and May, where it’s just warm spring instead of weird spring.

2. Jim is asleep in his own bed right now, and all is right with the world. Ok, my world. Week 2 of New Hampshire is finished. We definitely have one more week; after that we don’t know what’s going on. I’m ok with that. With two weeks under our collective belts, I know we can handle more if necessary. Sure, the single-parenting aspect gets old. I can’t imagine how military families do it–my hats off to you men and women who hold down the home forts for upwards of a year at a time while your spouse serves.

3. In Boo-Boo updates, Laura is able to make a loose fist and doesn’t need the splint anymore. Bennett seems to be on the mend as well, so we’re ending the week much better than we started it.

4. With having karate during the week, we’re back to “movie night” on Fridays. Last night we watched Despicable Me, which was excellent. Tonight is Mega Mind, which I think will be somewhat similar. I think they’re ready for Indiana Jones, but Jim says no–those melting faces at the end would be too much.

5. Our church is going through a lot of changes–leadership, name, structure…just a bunch of things going on. For someone who isn’t overly fond of change, it’s a lot to deal with at once! I keep repeating “Change is good. Change is good. Change is good.” to convince myself to be more comfortable.

6. Freecycle is such a great place to get rid of things you don’t want and to find things you need. I’m much more of a get-rid-of type, but this week I scored twice: sparring pads for Bennett and snowpants and boots for Laura for next winter! WooHoo! Free stuff that we actually need!

7. As of today, I’ve been sober for four weeks. It’s been good. Not that I like to, but I wonder if sometimes it’s not a good thing to fall flat on my face. It reminds me–brutally–that I can’t do this on my own. That I am powerless and need God to get through this thing called addiction. Long-term sobriety is excellent and wonderful and I love it, but one can get, shall we say, a little cocky. Which is stupid.

And on that note, I’ll wish you all a great weekend. If you have one, go and hug your spouse. Just because you can.

Consequences

I sent this email today:

“Pastor, Elder1, Elder2 and Deacon,

I’m coming to you with a difficult thing to say. I feel the need to step down temporarily from my position of deacon. There is an area of sin in my life that makes it such that I feel I am unable to be in leadership, given the biblical requirements. I know that no one is without sin—that none of us are perfect—but this has been controlling me instead of me controlling it. I am committed to getting help, which is why it’s not a permanent step. If you feel the need for details I am willing to provide them, but didn’t feel comfortable doing so as a group.

Please accept my apologies for this.”

I’m going to Celebrate Recovery on Friday evening. Please pray that I find a sponsor. I’ve been wallowing in this. If I’m a deacon I can’t wallow and if I wallow I can’t be a deacon.

So It’s December

Please accept my humble apologies. Apparently I posted three times in November. Not only is that not the norm for me in a month, that’s not even the norm for me in a week! I will endeavor to be better in December.

Then again, December is one of my busiest months, so I’m not going to make any promises!

I haven’t been up to anything spectacular–mostly regular home stuff. Jim’s home during the day, though, which definitely changes things. I am out a few times more with being involved in the food bank and the local churches community outreach.

We hosted Thanksgiving for both sides of the family. I wrote down an hour-by-hour schedule of food prep and the day went very smoothly. I’m glad, however, that my sister will have Christmas! Black Friday I spent comfortably ensconced in my office chair and I basically finished everyone in my family except my husband and his father (whom Jim buys for anyway!). Trying to figure out what my husband wants in a Christmas present is SO DIFFICULT. You’d think, after all these years, I’d know him and what would be a good present for him. Nope!

He’s actually away tonight visiting his sister in Philadelphia. Hopefully the children will go down quietly (hah, she says) and I’ll be able to catch up on Glee and the Good Wife (neither of which Jim watches).

We applied for private insurance yesterday. It was, to say the least, interesting. Trying to remember my medical history for the past five years! Jim was incredibly easy–he broke his arm and has allergies. That’s it.  Me? PCOS. Allergies. Hypothyroidism. Insulin resistance. Fun Fun Fun! The nurse I spoke to from Aetna was very nice. They’ll let us know within 7-10 business days. Jim has already been approved, the fink.

Well, this has been a nice catching up kind of chat. Hopefully I’ll see you soon!

What They See

When we started going to our church 5 1/2 years ago, Jim and I were really struggling with God. We believed in Him–that never stopped–but didn’t really want to have much to do with Him. He had LET US DOWN. One of our children was dead, one was blind and on a feeding tube, one had bowel issues….the list went on and on. We were Christians and had prayed with our whole hearts for these babies and GOD SAID NO.

How dare He???

5 1/2 years later, Jim is an elder and the worship leader at our church. I’m a deacon, a worship leader and the de facto secretary. Things are, well, rather different! In a very good way. We were refined by fire, if I can use a little “christianese”.

Our church has just hired a new pastor. He and his wife and two little ones just moved up from Texas to lead our little flock. (And I’m not kidding about little!) These two very nice people do not know us. We do not know them. We can and will tell them about our lives and our journey to the present, but they will only get to know the people that we are now–the leaders.

It’s kind of weird.

Where Things Stand September 2010

So I haven’t do this in a really long time.

Getting Healthy: I would classify this as so-so. I’m struggling with snacking. Not healthy ones, either. The weight has crept up again, which I am SO not happy about. I want to get it down to the low 150′s (well, ok, I’d love to be 135,  but I live in the real world!)

Education: We’re into the 3rd week of school and things are starting to become routine. The kids know they come home, get a snack and do homework. So far, no major problems with it. Everyone seems to like their teachers, which is a good thing.

Finances: In a word, TIGHT. Very tight. I need to pick up some work and maybe have Jim do some on-call time or something. Seriously, TIGHT.

Spirit: Um, well…um…now that the kids are back to their schedule, I need to get back to mine. I have two good bible study books that I’d like to do. I just need to “Just Do It”. Prayer is going well, though–Kate and Charlie have been constantly in my thoughts and therefore in my prayers. In church news, on Sunday we voted on a new pastor. Difficult, hard, but wonderful. We’re hoping that we don’t lose anyone from the decision. It was majority, not unanimous.

Family:  Still struggling with that one certain child right now. Bennett is still very snuggly. Ethan is taking a break from in-home therapy while they try to find another one. Jim still has his job and I’m working a little as well. I’d like to get better control of the house, but that will come as the time goes on and the kids stay in school.

How are you doing? I miss hearing from you all!

Heaven’s Promise

Today Jim and I attended a funeral for baby Nigel. His dad put it perfectly when he said “I got to hold his temporary body, but I never got to know my son.” Nigel was stillborn. His twin brother, Nathaniel, is in a NICU currently and will need surgery this week on a valve of his heart.

The casket was amazingly tiny. When we buried Connor, the casket was inside some sort of special box. And even it looked small. But this was….heartbreaking. The funeral director, who is a good friend who is on the worship team of our church, easily carried it in his hands.

The weather was a mixture of flurries and a tiny bit of rain and a fair amount of wind. Dad spoke. Mom (5 days post c-section) sat quietly or cried. It was a very small graveside service with only family and some friends. I was honored to be counted among those few.

We went back to a family friend’s house for lunch and visiting. Other than Mom and Dad, we knew no one, but everyone was friendly and welcoming and pleasure to meet. We came home, emotionally drained, glad the day was over, but aware that for Mom and Dad, the pain and heartache will continue.

So Incredibly Sad

A member of our church who was pregnant with twins had an emergency c-section this morning and gave birth at 32 weeks. One of the twin boys died. They airlifted the other baby boy to Christiana Hospital’s NICU, where my kids lived for so many months. The mom is in a different hospital, in a different state, with two small boys at home, one in the hospital and one in heaven.

I understand their devastation. I’m devastated for her and am somewhat reliving 8 1/2 years ago when we went through something so similar.

Jim and the other elder are down visiting her right now, the two deacons (myself and another) are coordinating flowers, meals, prayer, visits–everything that they might need.

But nothing but God and time is going to help that hole in their hearts.

Short Week

I woke up this morning and thought about doing my 7 Quick Takes Friday. Because, you know, the kids are off tomorrow so that must mean today is Friday.

Not.

So instead you get this, which is going to point out how much better we learn as children than as adults.

When I was a child, I attended Spruce Street Baptist Church. We used the King James Version, because hey, if it was good enough for the apostles, it was good enough for us. We did a lot of memorizing. In the KJV. Which, while a beautiful sounding translation, isn’t exactly understandable for a 6 year old.

When I changed churches at 16 and discovered the NIV I went crazy and actually READ the bible! What a concept! I also did bible studies and memorizing like I had as a child.

So. Yesterday morning I’m in the shower trying desperately to STOP THINKING ABOUT FAMILY DRAMA. And this verse pops into my brain.

“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee [because he trusteth in Thee].” (in the bars is the rest of the verse that I didn’t remember) That’s not NIV, folks. That’s something I learned a child and got put in there for good, for when I needed it. Did I know the “address”? No. I always stunk at that part. I just googled it and it’s Isaiah 26:3. I also looked it up in the NIV: “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.”

When I was in labor with the quads, and scared out of my mind and waiting for Jim to come down the hospital, I laid there and said every verse I could. Most, if not all, were in the King James Version. Because what we learn as children gets STUCK in our heads. Bennett, Laura and Catie attend the Good News Club on Thursdays, which is sort of like VBS during the school year. One of the things they do is memory verses. I LOVE IT! Our church doesn’t seem to emphasize scripture memorization, and I know I’m not doing anything, either.

Any suggestions from you Christian moms?

Blessing of the Hands

A few weekends ago I attended Queen for the Day, which is sponsored by a local church for mothers and wives of disabled children and spouses. One of the things they do, which makes everyone in the room cry every year, is called the Blessing of the Hands. I got a copy and typed it so you could see it. Kate, I think of you, too, when I read it.

Blessing of the Hands

Bless these hands with their gentle touch;
Bless these hands as they caress the ones they love so much.

Bless these hands that clasp in prayer;
Bless these hands that seek God’s guidance each hour.

Bless these hands that push the wheelchairs;
Bless these hands that assist with the stairs.

Bless these hands that drive the vans;
Bless these hands that schedule doctor and therapy plans.

Bless these hands that shampoo, bathe and touch;
Bless these hands that rub the lotion and such.

Bless these hands that comb the hair and dress;
Bless these hands as they seek to bless.

Bless these hands that brush the teeth and stroke the face;
Bless these hands as they see Your grace.

Bless these hands as they work the feeding tubes;
Bless these hands, they are YOURS to use.

Bless these hands as they hold the spoon up;
Bless these hands as they lift the cup.

Bless these hands as they wipe the slobber and drool;
Bless these hands, they are a useful tool.

Bless these hands as they deliver the meds;
Bless these hands as they made the beds.

Bless these hands that massage muscles and painful nerves;
Bless these hands that are used to serve.

Bless these hands that sooth through seizures and pain;
Bless these hands that long to heal and take away the pain.

Bless these hands that pray for healing, relief and peace;
Bless these hands that pray with great belief.

Bless these hands that clean mess after mess;
Bless these hands with patience as they are put to the test.

Bless these hands that wipe away the tears;
Bless these hands that long to take away the fears.

Bless these hands as they wipe yet more tears;
Bless these hands as they long to take away rejection from peers.

Bless these hands as they wipe tears of their own;
Bless these hands that do this in secret, they cry alone.

Bless these hands that are often wrung in worry and fear;
Bless these hands with comfort from loved ones so dear.

Bless these hands that grow weary and tired;
Bless these hands may they always be gentle, kind and inspired.

Bless these hands, Lord, which are dedicated to YOU;
Bless these hand that are YOURS to work through.

Bless these hands Lord, with power from above;
Bless these hands to deliver YOUR intimate Love.