Midpoint

A few posts ago I talked about the kids all leaving the nest at the same time. It’s been on my mind of late and I wanted to post some more.

10 years ago we had three children living at the Christiana Hospital’s NICU. One was in heaven and one wasn’t even a gleam in her daddy’s eye yet.

10 years from now, Lord Willing, the last one will be a Freshman in college, following in her big brothers’ and sister’s footsteps.

10 years ago I was just trying to figure out what motherhood was all about and was terrified about the idea of bringing them home and being responsible for their daily well-being.

10 years from now I will be trying to figure out what my life will be like when I am not defined by the term “mother”. That job will be mostly done. I’m sure they’ll visit. One or two may even live at home and commute to college. But the active parenting–the daily instruction and teaching and bringing up into adulthood–that will be largely over and they will be making their own choices (and living with the consequences!).

10 years ago Jim and I were only married six years and were feeling our way into Mommy and Daddy instead of just husband and wife.

10 years from now we’ll be rediscovering each other, I think, and figuring out what the rest of our lives will look like.

10 years ago I retired from full time work to be a full time stay at home mother.

10 years from now I expect to fully return to the workforce. In what capacity, I don’t know. I’ll be in my early to mid 50′s. The physical nature of being a professional organizer is not something I see being able to do for the rest of my life, although I enjoy it thoroughly. I think I might want to be a secretary/administrative assistant again. I enjoyed doing it when I worked. I think I might enjoy it again. I’m glad I have time to think about it!

10 years ago I was learning to open up and let my children into my heart and life.

10 years from now I will be learning to let go.

It’s an interesting view from the midpoint!

The Day Before La La La

Today is Labor Day. I’ve been laboring on laundry all yesterday and today (7 loads and counting and it’s almost all children’s clothes!) and not QUITE counting down, but getting close.

I’m doing all this laundry because tomorrow is one of the best days of the whole year. Almost up there with Christmas, but that’s the Lord’s birth and thusly gets top billing forever. Almost up there with Thanksgiving, but that has pumpkin pie and whipped cream and thusly gets 2nd to top billing. Almost up there with the day I go to the spa and get a massage but that, well, that’s obvious. So, ok, the FOURTH best day of the year.

Because people, THEY ARE ALL GOING TO BE IN SCHOOL TOMORROW! Not just one, like we had in the middle of June. Not just three, like we had last week, BUT EVERYONE.

ALL FOUR OF MY CHILDREN WILL BE OUT OF THE HOUSE! For a LONG TIME!

I know I have completely offended those of you who homeschool and manage to love your children all day long. But Oh My WORD. These past few weeks remind me of why I love those big giant (and also short) yellow buses. Because oh my WORD, does Ethan need STRUCTURE!! By the end of the summer he just can’t handle all this time. He has to yell and bug and hit and annoy. Not just the kids but also Jim and me.

But tomorrow he will be in a “structured environment” for more hours of the day than he’ll be at home. He’ll leave at 7:05 am and get home at 3:30pm. And then we’ll have homework and dinner and a little playtime and it will be time for bed. And there won’t be a whole lot of time leftover for fighting.

Happy Sigh. Peace is good.

Plus, as an added bonus, I’ll be back to my regularly-scheduled blogging. I’ve missed you all. Have you missed me??

Happy 10th Birthday to My Miracles!

The Big Double Digits is here! Happy Birthday to Bennett, Ethan and Laura!

This is a repost of the email I sent out to friends and family the day I got home from my 2 week hospital stay (11 before and 3 after they were born)

Hello dear friends.

Some of you will know the following, but many of you don’t, so I’m sending to all.

I haven’t emailed an update in a long time because I went into the hospital on August 14th with a ruptured sac. Baby A, Connor John, had broken thru. Our local hospital didn’t have the nursing staff for 24 week old quads, so I was sent to Christiana hospital in Delaware (not even in my state). It was touch and go for a few days–I was on Magnesium Sulfate (very nasty), but came through ok. I settled in for the long haul of bedrest.

Saturday the 25th started like any other day. We monitored the babies around 10-10:30. Then I started having contractions. Before I knew it, they were 2 1/2 minutes apart and I was 4 cm dilated. They took me in for a c-section 2:00 ish.

Connor John came at 2:08 pm weighing 1 lb, 9 oz.
Bennett Quinn arrived at 2:09 pm weighing 1 lb, 11 oz.
Ethan James came at 2:10 pm weighing 1 lb, 11 oz, and
Laura Grace finally got pulled out at 2:13 pm weighing 1 lb, 10 oz.

They were immediately whisked away to the NICU admittance and I went to recovery. 5 hours later I was finally able to see them. Bennett, Ethan and Laura were ok, but Connor from the very beginning was having more problems. To shorten the next part of the story, fast forward 3 more hours to 10:30 pm, when the Neonatologist comes up and tells Jim and me that Connor will not make it through the night.

Jim went down to spend some time with him (I was still very drugged and was in and out of consciousness). He came back upstairs a little after midnight to see if I wanted to come downstairs. The NICU called and said that he needed to come downstairs NOW. So I gathered myself and moved onto a gurney and went to the NICU to hold my firstborn son and cry. He was SO tiny!! So fragile!! We cried so much! While Jim held him, he quietly left us to be in the loving arms of Jesus. Saying goodbye was the hardest and most emotional thing I have ever done.

Coming home today, Tuesday, to our playroom full of baby things, many in fours, was extremely difficult. It will take some time before I can face going in there without crying.

Our other three, like typical preemies, change from day to day. The two boys have heart murmurs, but are responding to meds. Laura was doing the best, but is now on a special ventilator called an oscillator. It pumps 300 breaths per minute into her tiny lungs. But all are holding their own. I have three journals to track their day to day improvements, which will be encouraging along the way.

The joy and hope of my three living children tempered with the sadness and grief of losing our son is a very difficult place to be. We are in the process of trying to decide whether to have a funeral and burial or cremate. I never thought to be in this position. Only God is sustaining me now, I can assure you. Jim is crying and grieving as much if not more than I am. We can only cling to each other and be there for each other as we work our way through this difficult time.

We still appreciate your prayers for both Mommy and Daddy and our three precious children. They will be in the NICU for at least 10 weeks, and we will be traveling 45-50 minutes each way to get to them. I will also be pumping to provide breast milk for the babies, so life is already revolving around them.

As I’m sure you can tell from the whole tone of this email, this is a very difficult time for both of us. Thank you all for your support, prayers and understanding. I will not be on email that often, and the phone will be answered as possible. Visitors are welcome, but we ask that you call first.

Much love,

Tina

Almost Ten Years

Tomorrow marks three of my four children’s 10th birthday.

Un-freaking-believable.

10 years ago I would have woken up in my hospital bed, had the babies monitored, watched a lot of TV, and planned for tomorrow when Jim was going to come down and spend the night. We were trying to reduce the swelling in my legs, which was IMMENSE, by having me lay flat on my back with my legs raised. It helped, and to this day I truly believe laying like that kept the babies in one more day.

10 years ago I had no clue that tomorrow would bring stress, fear, physical pain, awe, and four beautiful babies into the world. Only to have one leave 10 hours later.

Tomorrow I will post my email that went out to friends and family the day I came home from the hospital. Today will be spent cleaning up for the party we are having on Saturday and being a mom to the children that God blessed me with.

10 years. Whoa.

End of School–Finally

Bennett, Laura and Catie finished their school year on Monday. Ethan finishes on Friday. As of Friday afternoon, I will have three fifth graders and one third grader.

WHAT???

I remember starting kindergarten with Bennett and Laura. I remember how tiny they looked in comparison to the “older” (4th and 5th grade) kids. And now, somehow, we have those kids. At field day last week I looked around at the kindergartners and they were so…well….TINY. It doesn’t seem possible that that was us just a few short years ago.

I promise I’m not going to get maudlin. Really. They won’t allow me. They are still so much stinkers, not all “grown up” and mature. On the last day of school, thankyouverymuch whoever you were, someone wrote in permanent marker on the playground the ‘F word” and “s word”. Up until that day we had escaped that. They didn’t ask what the words meant, but I know that’s coming any day.

Today I survived the first of 10 times of grocery shopping with them. I’m not overly fond of grocery shopping with my kids. “Can we have this?” “I want that!” *rolls eyes* like they were three year olds. I’m always so grateful when school starts again and I get to shop in peace.

See, I’m not getting maudlin!

But they sure have grown a lot in the past four years.

7 Quick Takes Friday

1. I dabbled in karma yesterday. Or, to put a Christian spin on it, I did to others as I wished that they had done to me: I visited a friend on bedrest. I HATED bedrest. I came down in the morning, waddling the whole way, got breakfast and then laid on the couch. All. Day. Long. Until it was time to laboriously climb upstairs to bed at night. I was so lonely and bored, words cannot describe. So the instant I learned about my friend on bedrest, I immediately emailed with “I’m coming!” because, really, I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.

2. Speaking of worst enemies, here comes my big toe dipping into politics for a second. There has been a LOT of cheering about Osama Bin Laden’s death this week. Which, honestly, saddens me. Are we so inured to death from the media that we cannot mourn a real human being dying? He was a child of God; Jesus died for him. The fact that he didn’t believe is something to be sad about. We KNOW where he is, and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, either. Ok, except for Satan. He IS my worst enemy. Yes, bin Laden was the mastermind behind much evil. Yes, he deserved to be brought to justice for what he has done. But the cheering and outright gladness for his death is over the top.

3. Switching back to normal life topics, what is the deal with sticking tongues out? I am constantly hearing “MOM! Catie stuck her tongue out at me!” I’m sure I did it at that age. But, oh brother, am I ready for this particular stage to be done with.

4. We had to have “The Talk” with Catie this week. One of our neighbors’ children has been talking about sex in a very inappropriate way. I talked to his father who talked to him, but unfortunately the damage was done. She and I sat together and went through Book 2 of God’s Design for Sex. Her comment? “Euuu!” Let’s hope she keeps that point of view for many years!

5. Jim’s been working for two months now, but we are still definitely playing catch up with finances. We had some debt before all this started and only added to it, as well as having to borrow money from family. It’s going to take some time to dig ourselves out of the hole. In the meantime, other than our special Friday night pizza and cheap movie, we’re not doing anything extra. I can’t WAIT until we are out of debt and finally able to save some money again!

6. Pursuant to #5, he was able to convince the New Hampshire people that telecommuting made a lot more sense for them financially. It was costing them upwards of $1000 each time he went up. So he’s been home for two weeks and we are very grateful to have him at the dinner table each night, as well as to help put the kids to bed. Splitting the parenting burdens makes things ever so much easier!

7. I’m surviving The Upgrade. I’m still finding my way around everything, but each day gets a little easier. There are still things that need to be loaded on–I keep finding new needs when I go to use a program and there’s a “You Need to Load XYZ to use this”. But, in the end, it will be easier and faster and better and I’ll be glad I did it. I’m just not there yet!

Keeping Count

With Jim traveling so much, I find myself constantly counting (ok, he’s been in South Carolina for three days. That means we just have two more to get through and he’ll be home!).

The first three weeks with NH were pretty ok. Really. Then we had a week where he worked in PA, although we didn’t manage to see him that much. He’s working days at an office and evenings from his home office (which, by the way, is in the garage where it’s quiet!).  This week it’s SC and next week it’s NH again. We talked for literally five minutes total yesterday–a very brief good morning on his way to work and a very brief good night before I went to bed.

It’s starting to get more difficult. We’re missing each other–even just the physical presence of each other. I miss having his parenting to help out. I miss cooking for someone who appreciates it. How in the world do you single moms do this??

I’m keeping busy. Karate, bless its heart, is helping. We’re doing three times this week and next so Catie can test for gold belt. We thought she’d test next month, so we’re having to play a little catch up with the things she needs to know (Student Creed and 7 Home Rules). Hey, I don’t think I’ve ever posted the creed. I really like it (by now I know it by heart!)

To build true confidence through knowledge in the mind, honesty in the heart and strength in the body. To keep friendship with one another and to build a strong and happy community. Never fight to achieve selfish ends but to develop might for right. Pilsung! (which means certain victory).

I’m meeting today with a financial planner. We have a 401k from his old work, but need to start thinking about how to plan for the future now that he’s self-employed.

If you are a praying sort, please keep us in your prayers. I really miss my husband.

My Take on Kids’ TV

My kids think I’m strict. I’m rather proud of that. I’ll let them watch TV–even non-educational TV–within certain limits. With the exception of things like Scooby Doo (where there isn’t anything objectionable), I don’t want them watching shows where the main characters are older than they are. Like, they don’t watch The Suite Life of Zach and Cody. Or Wizards of Waverly Place. Please don’t get me wrong–there is nothing inherently wrong with those shows.

But my kids are 9 and 8. They don’t need to be thinking about the opposite sex or dating or any of that kind of thing. They don’t need to worry about clothes or peer pressure about drinking. Or sex or drugs. Nope. They need to be 8 and 9. They need to worry about homework and having to clean their rooms and get along with their siblings.

So many shows–good and bad–are trying to force our kids to grow up too quickly. Maybe I’m reactionary, but since that happened to me with pornography, I’d rather my kids stay innocent, thankyouverymuch.

7 Quick Takes Friday

1. Hello All from weather-confused PA! We’ve had sunny and 80′s and yesterday morning had snow. I admit to looking forward to late April and May, where it’s just warm spring instead of weird spring.

2. Jim is asleep in his own bed right now, and all is right with the world. Ok, my world. Week 2 of New Hampshire is finished. We definitely have one more week; after that we don’t know what’s going on. I’m ok with that. With two weeks under our collective belts, I know we can handle more if necessary. Sure, the single-parenting aspect gets old. I can’t imagine how military families do it–my hats off to you men and women who hold down the home forts for upwards of a year at a time while your spouse serves.

3. In Boo-Boo updates, Laura is able to make a loose fist and doesn’t need the splint anymore. Bennett seems to be on the mend as well, so we’re ending the week much better than we started it.

4. With having karate during the week, we’re back to “movie night” on Fridays. Last night we watched Despicable Me, which was excellent. Tonight is Mega Mind, which I think will be somewhat similar. I think they’re ready for Indiana Jones, but Jim says no–those melting faces at the end would be too much.

5. Our church is going through a lot of changes–leadership, name, structure…just a bunch of things going on. For someone who isn’t overly fond of change, it’s a lot to deal with at once! I keep repeating “Change is good. Change is good. Change is good.” to convince myself to be more comfortable.

6. Freecycle is such a great place to get rid of things you don’t want and to find things you need. I’m much more of a get-rid-of type, but this week I scored twice: sparring pads for Bennett and snowpants and boots for Laura for next winter! WooHoo! Free stuff that we actually need!

7. As of today, I’ve been sober for four weeks. It’s been good. Not that I like to, but I wonder if sometimes it’s not a good thing to fall flat on my face. It reminds me–brutally–that I can’t do this on my own. That I am powerless and need God to get through this thing called addiction. Long-term sobriety is excellent and wonderful and I love it, but one can get, shall we say, a little cocky. Which is stupid.

And on that note, I’ll wish you all a great weekend. If you have one, go and hug your spouse. Just because you can.

Halfway

Jim was in New Hampshire (previously posted as CT, that was incorrect) last Mon, Tues, Wed. This week he drove up Sun afternoon and is coming home very late Thurs. Next week he’ll do the same as this week. So, roughly speaking, we’re halfway through.

We’re managing. Last week was, honestly, fine. We did karate on Monday and Wednesday and managed to fill the time well. This week is a little on the rough side. Friday night Laura broke her left pinky (spell check didn’t recognize pinky!) and then she came down with a nasty cold. Sunday Bennett was climbing a tree and the branch under his feet broke and he was left hanging abruptly, which pulled his pectoral muscle. He’s been in a lot of pain ever since. So two are down. But on the up side, we found out that Bennett can take pills, thank the Good Lord, and even Laura’s finger seems to be better.

We started Catie with karate, which she adores. She’ll get her white belt tonight. She’s by far the littlest one in the class, and is just so CUTE! Mr. PJ calls her “Catie with a C” because there’s also a “Katie with a K”.

Skype is also a Very Good Thing. It’s helping the kids to SEE Daddy, which helps them not to miss him so much. It helps me, too, yeah. Nothing compares to being able to hug and kiss your husband, but seeing is way better than just a voice.

Time to get them off to school! So, I can now say that even though it’s a mixed blessing having Jim traveling for work, I’m able to be thankful for it.